Friday, April 5, 2019

New Dry Shampoo - Awkward Kiss No Mo!

Hi! Billy Mays here again, for "Awkward Kiss No Mo" Dry Shampoo hairspray and fire retardant.

If you are a Latina democrat politician who is always exhausted and short on time with an aversion to hygiene and just never seems to have the time for an actual shower - even on the morning of an extremely important rally that could potentially launch your political career - HAVE WE GOT THE NEW DRY SHAMPOO FOR YOU!

Sure, pretty much every dry shampoo will take care of a dirty, oily scalp, but what about the dirty and oily old 75-year-old pervert male democrats you might run into?

NOW you can go a month (or two) longer without washing your hair and remain a grope-free zone!

The newest formula not only contains styling ingredients that add volume, thickness, and texture - but now includes a pesticide that smells like a sleeping Rosie O'Donnell eating airport sushi in a hot locked car which will ward off any creepy old hair sniffers and pedophile uncles you might run into!

Call now and we’ll send you the Genitalia Blocker with Pirate Patch!

Small print: Smell may attract unwanted attention from roving feminist lesbian bull dikes covered in confectionery sugar.


  1. Warning Label. If you use this product, you run the risk of being stalked by Michael Moore.

  2. Is there an environmental impact statement available ¿

  3. Ouch! The sales just plummeted due to your disclaimer, kid. I was up to 18 pesos before then. I think that's a lot of mucho dinero too.

    Thanks for the idea, Ed. Maybe I can save my sales free fall by adding that... something like, "the use of this organic cow dung by-product will help stop man made climate change.."

  4. Mr Blade, my legal advice to you is free. Just like Bernie would want it.

  5. lol congrads on all the achievements in your lovely fam!! :)