As per usual, I am in a hurry this morning and only have time to scan the headlines. Here is today's diddy:
Iran Plans Large-Scale War Games
So Ahkmadeenadude is itching for a war game huh? I hereby volunteer to represent my country and accept his challenge. Bring it on fuzz face!
Full Disclosure: War Games are my specialty. I was born for this moment.
That's me playing Risk circa 1969 and those yellow armies are mine (Yes ladies, I am well aware that I am impossibly adorable. And yes gentlemen, I also know that even at this tender age, I am impossibly forminable). Dice in hand and a smug look on my face, I appear to be on the attack. As you can see, I have firm control over Europe. While the board doesn't display North America, my non-defensive position on Greenland suggests I have firm control there also. Let's just say, I can definitely see Russia from my house.
Further study of the board will show that I have made serious inroads into Asia, with the current action in the Middle East. I am in the process of successfully invoking my proven strategy I like to call "DaBlade's Vice and Slice". This game was played approximately two years after the Arab-Israeli Six Day War, but you may rest assured my victory didn't take nearly as long.
So step up to the gameboard Ahkmadeenadude, in a winner-takes-all high stakes game of Risk. If I win, you must immediately cede control of your government to the protesters and dissidents in your streets... and you must shave, put on a dress and try out for this year's version of American Idol. In the likely event that you win... you can have Obama.