Wednesday, January 27, 2010

A Paperboy's Tale Of Unrequited Love

Dear Blog,
Today we celebrate our two-year blogiversary together. I can't tell you how much it has meant to me spending my mornings with you these last two years, slamming coffee and staring into your screen, fingers gently caressing the keyboard as you bring out my innermost thoughts.

I recognize that this is an outstanding achievement and many blogs never make it past the first year. I believe this is because the traditional one-year anniversary gift is "paper", which is kind of self-defeating when you think about it. Wouldn't that be like your wife bringing you a hooker as an anniversary gift?

But I digress.

Blog, while this blogiversary should be a joyous occasion, I have a confession to make. I entered into this relationship under false pretenses. I know you are aware that my wandering eye has been seeing other blogs, but as I've been reminded time and again these last few years, "why buy the dictionary when you can get the words for free"? No, what I am referring to is much more sinister than that.

I started with you two years ago like a spy who infiltrates the enemy camp to look for an advantage. Now don't get your widgets in a twitter until you hear me out. We are oil and water, you and me. You're a blog on the internet and I am a print newspaper man. Our relationship was doomed from the start as I recognized years ago that you were threatening my livelihood. I guess I was hoping to do a Jack Bauer and either find the internet power cord from the inside and pull the plug, or at the very least - be the one to figure out how to neutralize and monetize your pages. But alas! My dream of having 35 paid subscribers to match Newsday's impressive tally is still but a dream.

But then we began to dance. Slowly at first, as if taking each other's full measure. Then our tempo increased as our synchronized choreography of word thingys started to draw attention. Sure, much of our traffic has been due to pet owners googling to find out why their dogs have begun to suffer from chattering teeth, but that's beside the point. Lately, our dance has become more feverish still - a veritable symbiotic ballet of cacophonous blurtings. But then...

While I do blame you for my recent layoff, I admit I still find you attractive, blog. With each new bill invoice that arrives in my mailbox, I hunger for the ability to eat your words. You... complete... me.
Forever Yours,

OK, even that made ME feel kind of icky, but what were you expecting? Billy Shakespeare?

I do want to thank all of you who have danced with me these last two years. You really are like an extended family, as we share the best we can in each others triumphs, trajedies and mere setbacks. I appreciate all of you more than you know. Thanks for being there and for being so encouraging.

Shall we dance?


  1. Not to interrupt your "dance rhythm" but could you find time in your busy layoff schedule to install the count down to the start of golf league that you do each year on the league web site?

  2. HAHA! smarta$$. 'Tis done though. You do realize that the golf league has something like 10 of us in the ranks of the unemployed. And golf ain't cheap... Just sayin'

  3. Viva the blog dance. Can't believe I've been blog dancing since 104/04. Now that's scary.

  4. Um that's 10/4/04. You'd think I would've learned how to type after all this time... sheesh!

  5. Happy blogiversary. Here's to many more!

  6. Congrats. I'm a few months behind you

  7. Only if you let me lead this time, pal.

  8. 'Blade,

    Happy Blogiversary!

    Bro started The Born Again American on 7/1/09 and invited me on board a few months later.

    Please keep it up, as it is always a pleasure to stop by!

    Lock & Load!!!

    Sons & Daughters of Liberty Unite!!!

  9. Happy 2 year Blogiiversary!!!

    Congrats! I'm about 8 months behind you.

    "Sure, much of our traffic has been due to pet owners googling to find out why their dogs have begun to suffer from chattering teeth, but that's beside the point."

    THAT's my favorite line. :)

    Dance on!

  10. Blade- Where are you!!! You have been AWOL for the last week. Your loyal followers need your advice and wisdom. We are all worried.

  11. 'Bade,

    I second PIC-PIC!

    Lock & Load!!!

  12. Blade, it is all OUR PLEASURE having you in our corner of the Blogosphere...
    I'm almost exactly a year ahead of you...can't believe how fast time goes by.
    I'm SO happy to know you, you ARE like extended family, you're as smart as they come, and you always make me laugh. xxx thanks :-) z

  13. That's why you're you, and I'm me...