Thursday, November 10, 2011

This is only a test!

Dear Blog,

How was your day?

I know it's been a while seen we met regularly around this digital holodeck of a simulated kitchen table to discuss our days, but I promise to do a better job keeping you updated on the really important issues of the day from here on. I meant it before when I said that "You... complete... me" in my Paperboy's tale of unrequited love back in January, 2010. For the record, I take a contrarian view to singer, song-writer and part-time philosopher Lee Ann Womack, and hope that you do not dance.

Like most afternoons, I find myself curled up on the couch and wrapped in a comforter, drinking warm milk and eating popcorn while tuned to the Weather Channel (after retrieving the remote from my son's 3-month old German Shepherd's water bowl). With my boys at school and the wife off to work, Koda is the only other warm body around, so it is left to me to train her. I will break her of her many idiosyncrasies just as soon as I become fluent in German.

For future reference, if she hears the command "Ya vol", she will offer her paw to shake. I believe she is just pre-occupied with the current economic crisis in Europe.

Yesterday was apparently a day of failure, and I am not even counting my daily unproductive scouring of the job boards in search of Flint area employment. For those few of you in these parts who were not in front of your TVs watching the Weather Channel at 2PM yesterday, you will be shocked to learn that the planned Emergency Broadcast test didn't go so well.

My attention level was at a fever-pitch as the weather jockey stated coverage was NOW breaking away for this 30-second test message. The screen went dark for a moment, and my rapid-fire popcorn ingestion picked up speed in anticipation. What appeared a moment later was a weather map of the United States with unexplained squiggly lines interspersed with block letter "L"s and "H"s.

Had this been an actual emergency, I take solace in the fact that I will know the 5-day forecast on judgement day.

It could have been worse. I found out later that some DIRECTV subscribers were subjected to a clip of Lady Gaga's song "Paparazzi". This did not happen to me, and for that I am thankful and feel that my local cable carrier and the Weather Channel should be commended.

Speaking of failures, there is that painful-to-watch 53 seconds of stuttering
by Texas Gov. Rick Perry in the GOP debate last night, when he was grasping for a coherent thought. This would have been an excellent time for him to break out in song with his version of Lady Gaga's "Paparazzi". Not only would this have been a great save, he wouldn't have looked crazy at all standing so close in proximity to Ron Paul.

BTW, I read that Reggie Love, a key member of the Obama "posse", was bolting from the White House. No reason has of yet been given for his departure. If I had to guess, I'm betting there was a little in-fighting between Love and Obama's top fluffer - a story I broke here.

Maybe Obama has re-tasked "Buddy" love as the new Emergency Broadcast System Czar in order to get to the bottom of this latest test failure. I think we all can agree this should take precedent over some namby pamby White House subpoena to release Solyndra documentation. What's a loss of a measely $500 Million of tax-payer dollars from a fake green company to bankruptcy when we have a rampant Lady Gaga problem in this country.

And finally, I was saddened to read this status update on Facebook from an ex-colleague of mine:

"My garbage can of 15 years blew away tonight. Seems like a long time to have a garbage can"

I offered him what comfort I could in commenting:
"I'm sorry for your loss. You didn't judge it by it's rough exterior shell, rather, by the contents of it's innards... I'm gonna spend more quality time with my can starting today."

But don't worry Blog. This will not take away from our time together.



KODA!... Where's the remote!?


  1. "Had this been an actual emergency, I take solace in the fact that I will know the 5-day forecast on judgement day."

    You slay me :-) I'm still giggling here.
    Great post...get commenting around...more people need to read you!

    Pretend you're 12 again and selling papers for a route! GET OUT THERE.
    Oh. And drop the trash can :-)

    And, by the way, I really can't stand Perry but I thought that blip was pretty understandable considering how much these guys cram for those debates and how nervous they must be that one word can ruin their career (which, come to think of it, might have happened last night!)
    We've got a president who thought we had 57 states and couldn't think of his daughter's age and people are saying Perry's career is over? ptui

  2. I found out later that some DIRECTV subscribers were subjected to a clip of Lady Gaga's song "Paparazzi"

    With everything you have going on this would have just been cruel.

  3. Z- ptui indeed. I don't like Obama's words when he does get them out as intended. BTW, the wife told me she read this blog today and thought I was tripping. After 25 years of marriage, she still doesn't get me. Maybe there is something wrong with you :)

    Chuck- indeed. Though I have grooved to Gaga's "telephone".