Mr. Smollett, who is black and gay, had told the police that two white men (who were white and racist) jumped him, taunting him with homophobic and racial slurs and yelling “This is MAGA country.” The assailants, according to Mr. Smollett, who is black and gay, tied a rope around his neck (and throw him in the swamp) and poured bleach on him.
Please stand by for this commercial break...
We're back... and Jussie, who is black and gay, has made some poo poo.
But through some miracle and secret intercession...
HE IS FREE AT LAST, FREE AT LAST! THANK OBAMA ALMIGHTY, HE IS FREE AT LAST!
I have a dream that all black and gay children will one day live in a nation where they can hire two black Nigerians to beat them up and call them names, pay them by check, and lie to the police by saying it was two white dudes - get caught red-handed yet have all charges dropped due to their black and gay privilege. I have a dream today!
And now time for some celebrity reaction:
“You can say ‘false hate crime attack’ but those Nigerians were thrilled to be there. It didn’t kill them. Jussie Smollett's financial contractual needs were his financial contractual needs coming from whatever childhood he has or whatever black and gay DNA he has.
The mayor, Rahm Emanuel, called the decision a “whitewash of justice.”
Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez took exception to Rahm's racist hate-speech, reminding him that Smollett is black and gay.