Wednesday, March 19, 2014

CRISIS! White House Loses Gay Pastry Chef!

White House pastry chef resigns: ‘I don’t want to demonize cream, butter, sugar and eggs’
White House executive pastry chef Bill Yosses is resigning after First Lady Michelle Obama fundamentally changed his job duties to focus on healthier food...

The openly gay chef was hired by Laura Bush in 2007 to make his trademark cookie plates and sugar sculptures. Mrs. Obama took over in 2009 and ordered Yosses to make healthier plates in smaller portions.

Yosses began replacing butter with fruit puree and sugar with honey and agave. But Yosses was never fully committed to the new policy.

“I don’t want to demonize cream, butter, sugar and eggs,” Yosses said.

There you go folks. Proof of demonic ceremonies in the White House apparently involving desecration of dairy products!

Meanwhile, Obama puts the Russian and Ukranian crisis on hold indefinitely until the loss of his gay pastry chef is resolved. Top advisors are gathered in the situation room for this emergency session.

Help Wanted posters promising $10.10 per hour are plastered all over town. The response was tremendous! A massive crowd of unemployed gay pastry chefs converge on the White House lawn looking to fill obama's opening (and then to apply for the recently vacated job).

Obama gets a Happy Ending!


  1. That's what's on the news, but I heard the real reason is because Michelle kept stealing his jock straps.

  2. Haha! Except from the pictures I've seen, Michelle likes to free ball it! In any case, a national day of mourning is in order I would venture.

  3. oh do not get me started on this one my friend!..what control freaks.have u seen her gobble up fried chicken and God knows what else but no no no..the masses must thrive on celery stalks!!! Bah!!!

  4. WHT, You're right. It's always, "do as I say, not as I do" for the obamas.