Monday, May 11, 2015

They Can't All Be Gems (Part 1,103)

From FOXNEWS: The kings of both Saudi Arabia and Bahrain will not attend this week's summit of Gulf nation leaders hosted by President Barack Obama at Camp David.

Rumor has it they will be playing golf with Tom Brady.

See what I did there? Gulf kings to snub obama by playing (wait for it)... golf?... with the Patriot's quarterback who is on the verge of an NFL league suspension for snubbing obama by not attending the team's White House visit as Super Bowl Champions?  Get it!?


They can't all be gems.

What has these rich desert monarch's skull diapers in a knot? Try Obama's appeasement and surrender to a nuclear Iran, leaving them free and clear to continue to run roughshod in the region.

Sounds like a good start to a joke. Just need to come up with a serviceable punchline. Here is what I have so far...

King Salman (the Saudi leader not the tasty fish) and Tom Brady walk into the golf clubhouse and up to the bartender after their grueling golf round.

"Whaddya'hav?," mumbled the barkeep. "And where is that other fella you started out with?"

"I would velly much to like a glass of cold water," said the parched King Salman.

"Hamad ibn Isa Al Khalifa on the rocks," said Brady.

"Hey, look, Mister, we serve hard drinks in here for men who want to get drunk fast. And we don't need any characters around to give the joint atmosphere. Is that clear?," said the bartender.

"I was answering your second question regarding our playing partner. We left him on the rocks by the creek spawning at the number 12 hole," said Brady. As for the hard drink, please serve me a Shirley Temple with a miniature umbrella sir."

Well, that's it so far. What do you think? Be honest. No nervous, polite and uncomfortable fake laughter. I can take it. Was that funny?


They can't all be gems. Maybe Brady walks into the bar with Hamad ibn Isa Al Khalifa and leaves King Salmon spawning on the rocks? Nah, too obvious. King Salman walks into the bar... why the reddish-pink face? I'll keep working on it.

By the way, did anyone recognize the bartender? 100 fake bit coins to the first correct guess.

Random thought, can obama order the IRS to target these gulf Kings? How about using his bully pulpit to incite racial animous, rioting and cop killing in the Arabian peninsula? No? I guess that just leaves use of his Drone fleet then. You don't tug on Superman's cape, spit in the wind or snub Slim.

BTW, If obama ever holds a summit for reclusive conservative bloggers with very little readership, I for one pledge not to attend due to a prior commitment. I will be the fourth in that Brady golf party.


  1. I would say your post is not bad for a reclusive conservative blogger. Semi-precious stones?

    Who wouldn't rather play golf and drink with Tom Brady than go to meet with Obama?
    I'd rather play golf and drink with Attila the HUN!

    Great job, Jerry. You were wrong; your Monday jokes beat mine :-)

  3. Very well done sir! I suppose you could have left Brady on the rocks because of improperly inflated tires in the golf cart - Nah, the original is excellent and it allows you to fit the line in from the bartender Nick in It's A Wonderful Life seamlessly.
    Oh, by the way I guess that makes me the winner of the 100 bitchcoins. I assume that is 100 Suzy B for Biatch Anthony coins since she is an original bitch who tried to take our booze away. Whose idea was it to honor her anyway?

  4. *I had to stop laughing before commenting! HILARIOUS!* This whole event is both humorous and horrifying at the same time. Thanks to Turd Boy, and the idjits that voted for him, our country is a laughing stock.

  5. cube, Can't you hear the crickets? I'll take the semi-precious stones. I usually just get a rock!

    Z, Ha you've been into the liquor cabinet again :) I would rather suffer just about anything than answer a summons from that petulant man-child.

    dr h, YOU DID WIN! That line was delivered by none other than Mr. Martini the bartender. Please accept this free drink by my personal bartender, Mr. Gowan. We will toast those Baldwin sisters with mason jars of the recipe, Suzy Be danged!

    Sparky, I agree, obama is throwing an arab summit party and nobody is coming. Scary and funny. Maybe nervous laughter is the order of the day with this guy.

  6. The 'good' doctor h, I meant to say that the name of my personal bartender is Mr Gower, not Gowan. He always smacks me upside my ear when I get that wrong.

  7. I was gonna say Sheldon Leonard, but I guess Nick is more accurate.
    I thought they told Brock they had to wash their hair that night, but your excuse is better.

  8. awww dissed by his own cronies..lmbooo Have a terrific weekend my friend! :-)