The Progressive Family gathered around the television to watch the latest Hillary Clinton speech.
HILLARY: “Let’s be clear, though. Islam itself is not our adversary. Muslims are peaceful and tolerant people and have nothing whatsoever to do with terrorism.”
MR. PROGRESSIVE: Hillary's monotone, stilted and passionless speech pattern is very convincing. Honey, lets's invite our new neighbors, the Sharias, over for Thanksgiving dinner. They are recent Muzlim refugees from Syria, and I'm sure they could use a friend.
MRS. PROGRESSIVE: Since we don't celebrate the white privilege holiday called Thanksgiving, I assume you mean Native Americans Genocide Day. What a wonderful idea!
MR. PROGRESSIVE: Yah, sorry 'bout that. Hillary says that blaming radical Islamic terrorism for the Paris terror attack is not just a distraction, but gives these ISIS murderers more standing than they deserve. I don't know what ISIS or ISIL stands for, but I'm sure we can agree with Hillary that they have nothing to do with Islam.
MARY: My 6th grade teacher says it's all our fault and they're just mad at Bush and Cheney because of Global Warming.
Fast Forward to Thanksgiving, errr... I mean Native Americans Genocide Day...
MR. PROGRESSIVE: Little Billy, I told you not to smoke that weed in the house. The Sharias will be here soon. Go smoke it on the back porch son.
BILLY: Shut the F&*#@ up mister! You're not even my real dad!
MR. PROGRESSIVE: Fooled you Billy. You called me "mister" and I'm biologically not even a dude!
BILLY: Well, you called me "son" and yet I have girlie parts too. Who's the dumbass now?
Later... ***DING DONG***
MRS. PROGRESSIVE: Mary, will you get the door please. Our neighbors, the Sharias are here!
MARY: SHUT UP B#tch! I'm busy posting selfies to my Instagram.
MRS. PROGRESSIVE: Never mind honey. I'll get it. I sure hope the Sharias like Tofurkey, since we quit eating food that used to have a face.
Later, during dinner conversation...
MRS. PROGRESSIVE: Mrs. Sharia, that sure is an interesting fanny pack you have there. Since you are covered head-to-toe in a sheet like an old sofa in storage, you obviously don't need lip gloss or makeup. Just what do you carry in it?
MRS. SHARIA: Oh, don't worry. I have EVERYTHING I need for my Black Friday Mall shopping spree.
THE END (or near enough to it)