Thursday, November 26, 2015

The First Thanksgiving Kiddie Table

Unless you were born with a silver turkey gravy ladle in your over-sized pumpkin piehole, you know all about the Thanksgiving kiddie table. Whether it be in the form of a rickety old card table in the corner of the dining room, or in my case, an old wood stump on the back patio porch, the Thanksgiving kiddie table represents the overflow parking for your Thanksgiving feast.

It's not a real complicated social caste system to figure out. The kiddie table is usually comprised of your less desirable huddled masses of over-active youngsters yearning for an eventual turn at the mashed potatoes. Its like their own little Ellis Island over there at the card table with unidentifiable stains, complete with paper plates and plastic sporks.

Kids, until you attain the ripe old age of double digits, don't plan on dining with the Captain at an actual table adorned with place settings made of the finest bone china and silver. Even then, its a crapshoot. Just because you have graduated from the kiddie table to the good table, that doesn't mean you can't lose that honor. Just ask aunt June, who has a lifetime membership at the kiddie table ever since the late 80s when it became clear that turkey tended to give her gas.

I hope you have a Happy Thanksgiving, no matter which table (or stump) you are banished.

For more little-known holiday history:
The First Thanksgiving and Black Friday - Shopping like it's 1621!
CHAPTER ONE - The First Thanksgiving
In 1621, prior to anthropogenic global warming, the month of November was cold in New England. Freakin' cold. Certainly too cold to plant crops! "I wished I'd thought of that before leaving in September on a 2-month tour," thought Plymouth Colony Governor William Bradford, regretting once his decision to anchor the Mayflower off the shores of the new world in the dead of winter.

"...and honkey please, I'm freezing my butt off in these knickers!," Bradford complained.


  1. That Bradford, what a whiner!
    He should have been thankful for his White Privilege.
    Have a happy and blessed Thanksgiving, Jerry.
    I thank God for you and your humor.

  2. Thanks Ed, that makes my day. I appreciate your friendship and good taste :)