Monday, May 22, 2017

Alba The White Privileged Albino Orangutan Joins Summer Edgar Winter Tour

Chattering Teeth News - A rare albino orangutan named Alba has reportedly gained 10 pounds since having been rescued from a village in Indonesia. The name “Alba,” means “white” in Latin, and it is believed wildly speculated here that he was being held by a Black 'Tans Matter guerilla group.

Why the preferential treatment for this WHITE orang?

Orangutans are critically endangered in the wild, yet how many dark-skinned 'tans are rescued and nursed back to health in the wild? More over, have you ever heard of a white orangutan shot while in it's Cleveland Zoo enclosure - or is that treatment just reserved for the majority minority American-African primates?


In other Wildlife news:

A Sea Lion has been awarded the Medal of Freedom for dragging Nancy Pelosi into the water from a Californian pier.


  1. I wonder if he's kin to Jessica Alba? Wouldn't that be a coincidence, and a terrible thing for her to endure, since her last name means "white", which I'm sure insults her liberal sensitivity.

    Still, it's really a good thing he's touring with Edgar. Although he's a good musician, he never was the badass bluesman like his brother. Alba can play the keyboards, while Edgar plays the saxophone.

    I knew a girl years ago, who's husband was a roadie for the Edgar boys during their fledgling career. Since they were all friends, whenever they would come to town, they'd usually try to meet up.

    She loved Johnny. She described him as a down to earth, sweet gentleman, although what she described as abnormally long fingers "freaked her out".

    She didn't care much for Edgar, since she felt he was "uppity", and condescending. Maybe he is, but I've never met him. I can say he's much taller in person, and rides in limousines to concerts.

    Anyway, the story about the rogue, liberal seal trying to get Nancy Pelosi into the ocean caught my eye. Rumors are the other seals - once they realized who she was - were about to throw her out, but a man pulled her out before she polluted the ocean. Thank goodness he was there. We spend enough on super fund cleanups.

  2. Jess brings up a good point. Poor Jessica having a name which means 'white' and a company named "Honest" and she's got all those hassles with nasty contaminants in her products. How does she deal with the discrepancy?

    Then there's the point of the Albino Edgar brother. I feel for Alba the orang, but Edgar, who is rich and rides around in limos, not so much. Poor Johnny can't help having Skeletor fingers (think back to the HeMan days).

    As far as the sea lion story goes, leave it to you and your satire to make me think there was some truth in the Pelosi story. Thanks for giving me hope and then letting them drop like a leaden balloon.

  3. Jess, I do hope you're right that Alba can spell Johnny for Edgar. Alba on the keyboards, Edgar on the saxophone - and maybe they can sign "Uncle Fat" the morbidly obese monkey on drums. Springstein could open for them and the guys could fling their poop at him from behind the curtain.

    As for Pelosi, I agree we don't need another fukishima. Breaking news updates suggest that the perp wasn't the rogue seal, but none other than Newt Gingrich who is now suspected of pulling her into the surf.

    cube, I just checked IMDb to determine who this Jessica Alba is. 58 film credits. Nope, haven't seen even one. Oh well. She might not have heard of me either (as crazy as that sounds:)

    And I LOVED Skeletor. I bet he could sit in with the boys on the synth for a mean version of Frankenstein.

    Sorry 'bout crushing your Pelosi regarding the Seal-nado. Hey! Now THAT might just be the next blockbuster :)

  4. Mayhaps we could work together in a Skeletor vs Pelosi pic?

  5. That's the answer! We need to train ALL the Sea Lions !

  6. cube, ah! a collaboration sounds fun! But you would have to do the pelosi part.

    Kid, we could chain Pelosi's ankle to the closest California pier and smear her with chum for a star.

  7. No, I'm not playing the Pelosi part. I think I'd rather be Alba... she's smarter.

  8. First we must find someone willing to smear her.