Saturday, May 5, 2018

Today is Cinco De Mayo - What's a Gringo to do?

Cinco de Mayo does not have to be racist.

Hola, y'all. I have a confession to make. I used to believe that it was ok for a white male to celebrate Cinco De Mayo by wearing an over-sized sombrero and dancing the macarana after getting hammered by consuming mass quantities of cervezas and margarittas, and slurring spleaking splanish with phrases like '¿ donde esta casa de pepe?'

Of course, I also used to believe that the Boy Scouts was an organization with the mission of turning young boys into men, and not a misogynistic institution of toxic masculinity, and that girls belonged in the Girl Scouts and baking my cookies.

I used to foolishly believe there were only two sexes (Millennials  read 'genders') and that men should not use the ladies restrooms.

Back in those old days, I used to respectfully stand for the national anthem, with my hand over my heart, and not on a knee in solidarity with cop haters and clueless discontents.

That was before I was 'woke'.

Thankfully, I'm no longer homophobic and I believe that its none of my business what pedophiles do in the privacy of their own cell blocks.

So this Cinco de Mayo, I will not participate in any cultural appropriation. For instance, you will not catch me at the local Chipotle or Taco Bell, telling the fast food worker to "andele with that order, senor!" Nor will you catch me posting any of those racist 'Mexican word of the day' memes like this one:

No, no. Instead, I plan on total immersion and full appreciation of this Mexican culture. In fact, I am currently posting this from the middle of a caravan full of Mexicans heading north towards the U.S. border in hopes of crossing illegally to escape this godforsaken place.

Yo, Juan! ¡√Āndale! ¡Arriba!


  1. I was trimming the hedges and mowing my grass when I realized that I was born to landscape.
    I no longer identify with being Ukranian.

    I've decided that if Bruce Jenner can call himself a woman,
    Rachel Dolezal can pretend to be black,
    then I'm going to be Mexican (I've got Rodriguez relatives) and join La Raza.
    From now on you must refer to me as a Mexican.

    Now I have to "press 2".
    You anglos tick me off.

  2. Having lived in AZ for 20 years, I love GOOD Mexican food. Which does not include taco's. I never celebrated cinco de mayo. Who GivesAF.
    I do like Margheritas though, especially with primo Chicken Fajitas or any number of other good Mexican gourmet delights that one can find at 8 out of 10 Mexican restaurants in the Phoenix area.

    What were we talking about?? Crap I forget, Well then By Grapthars Hammer Something will Happen for the good of the universe !

  3. Senor Ed. LOL! Siesta is now over. Get back to the lawn work. Unless you're Ukranian again.

    Kid, You are an admitted cultural cuisine appropriator, and now must be put on an NSA list somewhere. That's why I only eat bologna sandwiches like all good Americans.

  4. In the lib/prog world of gender fluidity, why can't we be racially fluid as well? Today I feel Mexican, tomorrow I could be Ukranian like Ed, or Cuban (my personal favorite because I love all things cubular)?

    Ed: Just one thing, before I decide to be Ukrainian tomorrow, what do Ukrainians eat? I don't want to be too hasty ;)

    Kid: You're right about finding very good Mexican food in AZ, but how are tacos not in the mix for "good" Mexican food? They have tortillas with everything. Isn't that a taco? Just curious.

  5. Nothing wrong with enjoying Taco's.

    I loved this place

    Control + to increase size enough to be able to read if you're interested.

    And This Place

    And This Place, but there is nothing you can order there that isn't HOT But so good. It's in S Phoenix and most definitely where the Mexicans go.

  6. Mr Blade, I do get a hankerin for fried bologna sanwiches - with regular french's mustard.

  7. Kid: When I got my first real job and had some discretionary income, I heard about this little hole-in-the ground place that served real Mexican food. I tried it and would drive across town to get that food and I got my husband hooked on it, too. Don't know why they went out of business. That being said, I know Taco Bell isn't authentic, but it's still tasty.

  8. In defense of baloney, I took my little brother with me when I went to return some overdue books at the USF library. He wanted to see everything and we did. We spent the whole day looking at everything, going all over the campus, and that included checking out the cool stuff inside the Art dumpster. Back then, most of the cafeterias were closed on Sunday, so we settled for sandwiches from a vending machine. He swears to this day, and he's over 40, that that baloney and cheese with mustard was one of the best sandwiches he ever ate.

  9. Kid, Love the combo Mexican platters! fresh guac and chips, and flowing margarittas! Actually my favorite ethnic food, followed by Italian a close second.

    Cube, that is a great story! Might have something to do with spending the whole day with his big sis.

  10. DaBlade, so you haven't been for Dim Sum yet? Shame... Kidding.

  11. Kid, I'm ready to shame him for not liking Cuban food.

  12. I like cuban sandwiches and cuban knockoff cigars, if that counts. And I meant no disrespect, Mr. Kid. I swear I will work that in whent he weather breaks up here!