If only in my dreams

Hmmm... I guess they're waiting for me to officially cancel. I've been procrastinating because I really don't want to make it official. Vacation by avoidance.

This was the stateroom I had booked.

I was going to try and upgrade to a room with a veranda.

I was most looking forward to this Skagway excursion: Takshanuk Mountain Trail by 4x4
View cascading waterfalls and beautiful mountain scenery as you head into the heart of Alaska on a 4x4 vehicle.

Thanks, China.

POP QUIZ: Madonna or GloZell in a Milk Bath?

Seeing 1970s pop star Madonna naked in a milky bathtub of floating rose petals
reminds me of Obama-era YouTube Star GloZell eating cereal from a milky bath of Fruit Loops and Butt Nuggets.  Madonna has declared coronavirus “the great equalizer”  but I think GloZell would disagree.

Rules: There is only one... you must pick one or the other. This is the apocalypse and you need the milk.

By the way, why is Madonna's face look like an over-ripe oriental balloon stretched over the helium nozel at the party store? Did somebody throw a plugged in clothes iron in there with her?

I just hope this $Gazillion dollar stimulus package comes out of the senate with additional cartons of milk for both of these ladies bathtubs. Preferably pasteurized (and over their over-sized pie holes)

Wuhan wet market Spring Break 2020

Spring breaker videos and photos made the social media news rounds yesterday for their flaunting of common sense and social distancing with their ongoing drunken beach parties.  "If I get corona, I get corona," one brainiac student was widely quoted as slurring. This negative attention was noticed by local officials in Florida towns and cities, and they are issuing orders to close these beaches.

Where will these student scholars take their spring break parties now during this China Coronavirus pandemic?

It appears by that many have traveled to the new 2020 spring break hot spot - The Wuhan wet markets. Sounds sexy, 'don'tit' young man?

BTW, did you know that this virus is a zoonotic disease, like SARS, meaning that it spreads from animals to humans?

"If I get corona, I get corona, but I'd rather have a Bud Light. At the end of the day, I'm not going to let it stop me from partying."

Thankfully, they won't go hungry! These markets in Wuhan also sell everything from dogs to snakes, civets, and crocodiles. There are vendors selling all sorts of live animals, including pangolins, badgers, salamanders, scorpions, hedgehogs and wolf puppies. Yum!!!

Looks like a native found some love, too!

Have fun!

Failing Michigan Gov. gWretchen "The Forehead" Whitmer Finally Gets Mumbling Sleepy Creepy Joe's Attention by not Letting Medical Emergency Crisis to go to Waste

You can always tell when a supposed so-called 'news' site is really just a fake news, leftist, deep state, propaganda spin machine by the structure of their Headlines. Here's one from another obscure electronic rag called "bridgemi dot com".

Trump lashes out at Gov. Whitmer after critical coronavirus comments

They always try to make it about Trump's counter punches. A more descriptive headline would have been:

Hack Michigan Governor Appears on MSNBC Attacking The President In Political Ploy To Audition For Biden's VP Slot

Joe Biden has promised he will select a female VP candidate (whatever the heck that is any more), and apparently gWretchen self identifies as one of those (though I'm not convinced).
or this...

Gov. Whitmer Uses Chinese Coronavirus as Excuse to Play Politics on Fake News Site 

or my favorite...

Failing Michigan Gov. gWretchen "The Forehead" Whitmer Finally Gets Mumbling Sleepy Creepy Joe's Attention by not Letting Medical Emergency Crisis to go to Waste.

BTW, I know Rush Limbaugh designated Paul Begala, the former adviser to President Bill Clinton, as "The Forehead". But Begala is no longer in the game as far as I know, and my horrible, no good, very bad governor unfortunately is.

It's a Wonderful Roll of Toilet Paper

Watching the news conference yesterday when President Trump urged Americans not to hoard groceries amid coronavirus panic reminded me of the bank run scene from It's a Wonderful Life. It made me realize that this movie classic should be updated and improved with these proposed overdubs.

Scene: George pushes through the mob in the lobby of his corner supermarket feigning cheerfulness and trying to calm down the panic.

George: Hello, everybody. What's the matter here, can't you get in? The Federal Reserve has made me very happy by lowering interest rates. I congratulate the Federal Reserve. I think it’s terrific.

Charlie: I'll take mine now.

George: No, but you're thinking of this place all wrong. As if I had the toilet paper back in a safe. The toilet paper's not here. It's in Joe's bathroom. You don’t have to buy so much,” the president said. “Take it easy. Just relax.” There’s no need for anybody in the country to hoard essential food supplies. The stores will stay open.

Charlie I want one pack of Charmin, and one pack of Charmin isn't going to break anyone.

Mrs. Thompson: My husband hasn't wiped in over a year and I need toilet paper.

George How much do you need?

Mrs. Thompson: But it's your own toilet paper?

George Never mind about that. How much do you need?

Mrs. Thompson: I'll take one square.

George Bless your heart!


ZUZU: Teacher says, every time a toilet flushes, a free-market capitalist is able to wipe their ass.

George (smiling): That's right. That's right.

Trumps Tested Positive For Awesomeness

The White House physician has issued a new statement:
"A month and a half after giving the State of the Union speech - and with the Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi, sitting behind him in close proximity - the President remains symptom-free of from whatever the f&&k she suffers."

TRUMP: I took the test last night. People were asking, did I take the test? Listen, I haven't even been in the same room with that bat-shit crazy, old loon since the SOTU speech when she tore up a copy of my big, beautiful speech. I've been practicing what they call 'social distancing' from Pelosi. A very big phrase, 'social distancing'. But mumbling Nancy is clearly nuts, as is all of the so-called leaders on the democrat side, this I will tell you. Their candidate-apparent, Sleepy Joe, is obviously suffering from dementia. But people ask if I've met with Nancy on this thing or on that thing. People were asking, did I take the test? So I took the test.

The White House physician stated the obvious that the testing confirmed what the country has already known. President Trump tested positive for Awesomeness.

Friday the 13th

I want your AR-14... errr.. or your 14 1/2's - Whatever it Takes

Senile old Joe told a worker in Detroit  "You’re full of sh-- ... I support the Second Amendment," apparently forgetting he recently promised Beto O'rourke the gun commissar position. This ancient fool's mind is half gone, and I think that makes him less dangerous than when he actually had all of his crazy lunatic faculties.

I just watched this worker interviewed on Fox and Friends. After it was disclosed that he did not vote for Trump in 2016, he was asked who he would be voting for in this upcoming election. He stated he didn't want to say. Really? I mean, that's your right, but if you are such the advocate for the 2ND Amendment then you couldn't possibly vote for a Democrat, ANY democrat. Why wouldn't you say that?

I walked into the local poll around 7:30AM yesterday morning. There were about 6 workers and no other voters besides myself. When I filled out the card with the Republican ballot selected as my choice, the gentleman furrowed his brow in confusion. He fumbled around as if he forgot where THAT stack was stowed and finally handed me one from the top. I was chipper and making small talk conversation with the workers. I had my pick of seats with the cardboard dividers... I sat... I selected Donald Trump on my ballot... I submitted to the machine... all is right with the Universe, having righted a wrong I made in 2016.

I was surprised to see that crazy creepy sleepy Joe won Michigan. Many folks on those conservative sites in my feed thought it would be funny or useful to vote for Bernie in the primary and hoping this would cause more division in the democrat party. I would never vote for a communist or any democrat for that matter. Presumably many Trump supporters did. I thought Bernie would take Michigan as a result. Nope.

TOILET PAPER WARS IN AUSTRALIA

as if they didn't have enough to worry about...

This next one is not mine, but in keeping with the Seinfeld theme...

Made me think of this old picture of me from way back in my newspaper days. Man, we were sitting on a gold mine and din't know it!

Coronapocalypse

I had my taxes done by MSNBC's Brian Williams and New York Times editorial board member Mara Gay. I was due to get a $327 Million Dollar refund but I clicked the box to donate it and provide free college for students in American Somoa. You're welcome.

Get off your ath, let's do some math...


A Chattering Teeth health coronavirus danger update: Touching your face. Here is how to stop doing it

Well, this is awkward.


JOE BIDEN: “By the way, this is my little sister Valerie!”


For the record, there is still no evidence one way or the other whether Christine Blasey Ford was or was not a crack whore in high school.

Let's check in with Donna Brazile to see if she's cheered up any.

Moving on... Chuck Schumer threatening two Supreme Court Justices reminded me for some reason of that Weather Channel reporter faking high winds during Hurricane Florence while two neighbors walk nonchalantly in the background.

“I want to tell you, Gorsuch, I want to tell you, Kavanaugh, you have released the whirlwind, and you will pay the price!

..and lastly but not leastly, San Jose is prepping “surge tents”, but NOT for Glamping. While you are stockpiling toilet paper during the virus hype, don't forget to order your surge tent glow ropes while supplies last!!

The last thing you need during the coronapocalypse is zombies tripping over your tent ropes.

THE END

Biden Prays and Warren Plays

Today's edition of Chattering Teeth Fake News with pictures...

Vice President Mike Pence was mocked by leftists for praying with his coronavirus task force team. What if Joe Biden saw this as an opportunity to be a uniter?

Mike Bloomberg exits race after securing a whopping 5 delegates from American Samoa. Where will these delegates go now? 

Is Bigfoot Spreading Coronovirus?

My research is not yet completed, but it is getting harder and harder to ignore the correlation.

Joe Biden for Senate

The Wreck of The Bomokandi Bertha

No sooner is Bob Chapek named to replace Bob Iger as the new Disney CEO, a Jungle Cruise boat sinks at Walt Disney World.  Coincidence or villain? You be the judge.

The Wreck of The Bomokandi Bertha  The legend lives on from Adventureland on down At the flagship theme park that's called Magic Kingdom The Jungle Cruise, it is said, never gives up her dead When the wait times in the Standby turns gloomy With a load from shore with twenty-six guests more Than The Bomokandi Bertha weighed empty That good ship and crew was a bone to be chewed On Bob Chapek's first day as CEO for Disney  The ship was the pride for this water slow ride A witty Skipper in a canopied tramp steamer "Everyone, turn around and wave goodbye to the folks  back on the dock... they may never see you again" The passengers set sail that day For a 10-minute tour, a 10-minute tour.  The weather never did get rough, But the tiny ship was tossed, If not for the waters being surprisingly shallow The Bomokandi Bertha would be lost, the Bomokandi Bertha would be lost. When the time came, the skipper joked on deck sayin' I get paid to wisecrack and the number I take out not the number of passengers I bring back Seven minutes in, he had water comin' in His safari costume shoes was in peril At 12:30 P.M., the boat bottomed out Came the wreck of the Bomokandi Bertha  Does any one know where the love of Mickey goes When the incident caused an interruption of 105 minutes? The Cast Members all say they'd have made Seven Seas Lagoon If they'd put the mechanical elephants behind 'er They didn't split up nor did they capsize They only took on a foot and a half of water And all that remains is the smiling faces and the names Of the wives and the sons and the daughters  So join us here each visit my friend You won't even get a bruise But maybe a boat load of stranded castaways Here on the Jungle Cruise!

OK, a little rough in spots with my mashup between Gordon Lightfoot's The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald and the Gilligan's Island theme song. This still is my favorite ride (or at least one of them). When we went to the Magic Kingdom last May, my daughter-in-law wouldn't let me ride it because it didn't "fit into our schedule." (it is a running joke between us, but seriously - the scars have not healed!) My brother said that his daughter likewise never  lets him ride this. So on our group chat of family to plan this fall's trip, the subject of this Jungle Cruise incident came up and my niece tried to take credit for us not getting shipwrecked.  LOL

Detroit Red Wings trade Andreas Athanasiou - But is enforcer, Tonya Harding a good fit?

And now its time for a Chattering Teeth sports minute...

Detroit Red Wings trade Andreas Athanasiou at the NHL trade deadline and pick up 50-yr-old enforcer, Tonya Harding off waivers. While Tonya has never played professional hockey before, neither has AA - And the Wings needed to add a little muscle to take the heat off there flying Frenchman, Anthony Mantha.

While Mantha's willingness to throw down and stick up for his team mates is admirable, he always seems to break a hand or puncture a lung in every single simple dustup and then is out of commission on injured reserves for another 6 weeks.  By picking up Tonya, she can be the one to lay the club to the knees of any opponent who gets out of line.

ok, that Tonya part is fake news and just a case of wishful thinking. Other than that, it was a good day for Wings fans who have had little to celebrate this year. When a team is contending for a playoff spot, they are 'buyers' at the trade deadline. When they are rebuilding like the Wings - sell, sell, sell! They unload aged veterans or entitled youngsters on expiring contracts for future draft picks - sort of like using Kroger's clicklist when buying groceries - We'll just swing by in June in order to stock our 'fridge.

Andreas Athanasiou is a highlight reel speedster, so if AA works out for them - the Edmonton Oilers may become known as the "Edmonton Greecers". I hope so, but he needs to grow up first. He obviously had no desire to play actual defense with the Wings, and more often than not he appeared he is wearing oven mitts at the net and not able to finish his breakaways (but the cookies looked delish!). The Wings receive two second round draft picks in return, and this is twice as much as I expected Yzerman would get for him, due to AA's league-worst  plus/minus that is spinning down like a depth guage on a WWII submarine with a hole in its side.

The Red Wings also trade defenseman Mike Green to the Edmonton Oilers for forward Kyle Brodziak and a conditional draft pick in either 2020 or 2021. Green is at the end of a nice career and this move is definitely a win-win for both organizations.

This was Steve Yzerman's first trade deadline as the Red Wings GM, and I give him a grade of AA!