From The Onion
High-Powered Washington Fixer Tells Blood-Soaked Obama To Listen Carefully
The Beltway fixer, whose name remains unknown, asks the president to tell him everything that happened.
...a high-powered Washington fixer reportedly entered the White House at 11:35 p.m. Wednesday and told a blood-spattered President Obama to listen to what he said and listen very carefully.
“I’m here to help, Mr. President, but if we’re going to get you out of this mess in one piece, you need to do exactly what I tell you to do...”
It's obvious to anyone paying attention that the Beltway Fixer is a conglomerate of the lapdog media. I don't visit The Onion on a regular basis due to its leftward bent, but I believe they swerved into something here on this one that they probably don't even realize. Like all good satire, there has to be an element of truth, and Obama with bloody hands is perfect symbolism for everything he touches.
Speaking of lapdogs... where's BO, the First Pooch Portugese Water Dog? Mister president? What did you do with the pooch, and who's blood is on your hands?