Thursday, October 31, 2013

Hey der! yous put dat candy back down der ya big fatty, or inta da wood chipper ya go der!

 By now, you've probably heard about that Candy Nazi lady from Fargo, North Dakota who plans on passing out letters to the fat kids instead of candy this Halloween. Chattering Teeth sent a reporter there and found something much more frightening from a nearby neighbor with a wood chipper displayed in her front yard. Here is the first look at the letter this lady plans on passing out to the obese children in her neighborhood tonight. I believe there is a future position as a Navigator for this lady in the Obamacare network.


You are probably wondering why your child has dis note. Ever hear da saying, "It takes a village to raise a child"?  Yah y'betch yah? Well did yer kid EAT da village? When Coach Herb Brooks said, "The legs feed da wolf" in dat Miracle movie, did your boy run out and eat da wolf an den de entire hockey team ta boot? Uf Da!

Seriously, your kid so fat dat when he come Trick-Or-Treatin, he had so many double chins I thought he was dressed up like a pancake stack. Nice costume by the way, him just wearing a GoodYear hat; he looked just like a blimp. A Goodyear blimp floatin' a stack of pancakes, UFF DA! Also, tell your kid he's doing it wrong when he rings my bell and screams, ""Trick or Meatloaf!"

Your child's fingers look like large saaaausages, in my opinion, and should not be consuming sugar treats to the extent of some children this Halloween season. NO CANDY FOR YOU DIS HALLOWEEN!

If yous have a problem with this letter, feel free to come over der and inta da wood chipper ya go der!



  1. Okiedokie... I'm staying away from that house.

  2. Mid Michigan Swartz Creek Halloween report... partly rainy and cool - maybe had 20-25 trick-or-treaters but still have a whole bowl of candy!