Friday, April 24, 2015

California Water Crisis Solved

Governor Jerry Brown sat on his tie dye beanbag chair, his bony and hairless legs protruding from his bath robe as he watched the latest MSNBC coverage of the California water crisis.

He emanated an overpowering putrescence due to the fact he hadn't taken a shower in over a month, a practice of his long before any water shortage emergency.  Like all liberal progressives, Governor Brown was clinically insane.

Three weeks had passed since he ordered mandatory water reductions of 25%, and now he was learning that San Francisco has been using potable water to heat City Hall.

"Potable? I don't know what the f*^@% potable water is, but if I find out it was water that had been rationed for use in my medical marijuana fields, SOME HEADS ARE GONNA ROLL!!," yelled Brown at his TV and the news broadcast.

But the anchor had already moved on to the next bit of utopic progressive splendor regarding California's intention to grant health benefits to illegals under a new amnesty plan. And THAT's when Governor Brown had an idea. An awful idea. The Governor got a wonderful, *awful* idea!

Brown grabbed a crayon and began to scribble on the wall as he brainstormed out loud.

* There are 2.6 million illegal immigrants living in California.

* The average human is comprised of approximately 60% water.

* the average weight is 185 pounds.

so, 2,600,000 illegals X 185lbs x .60 = 288,600,000 pounds of water

* If 1 Pound of water = 0.12 Gallons [US]

Then illegals hold a combined total of 288,600,000 x 0.12, or 34,632,000 Gallons of water!

"That's a good start," giggled Brown. "That's enough water to keep my pot plants healthy, as well as keeping President Obama's favorite golf course nice and green. Besides. Sacrificing a few million innocent people for convenience sake never stopped a good democrat."

"But we'll need an unending supply of freshly squeezed agua for drinking of course," thought Brown. "Montezuma's revenge be damned!"

Obama to Allow Illegal Aliens to Literally Ride Into U.S. on Giant Conveyor Belts


  1. I think the most insanity in California is the ones who keep voting for clowns like Brown, Pelosi, etc. We outta just nuke the place and resettle it with human beings.
    *grin* ~:)

  2. Sparky; I am a human being...

    If people only knew the great conservatives I know in California and how very, very close we get, but the left wins out lately...
    Even if we did elect great Republican govs in the past, including Deukmejian.
    Oh, and Reagan.
    We've had more R govs than D govs in the last 40 years.

    Jerry...great post.
    Imagine if we didn't have to water illegals?

  3. Z, We'd relocate you temporarily....

  4. Haha. No I agree with Z. California is too beautiful. Besides, California doesn't have a monopoly on wingnuts. They must be made to be irrelevant again.

  5. While I am not a fan of Brown's, he was better than the other guy who was a water liberal to the nth degree. The issue is we have to pay three times for our water, we have to pay the people who live in central california because they live near the water, and we have to pay northern cali because they hold the headwaters. So what costs San Diego 6 dollars (about 365000 gallons) acre foot of water, costs us nearly 600.

    Everyone blames the farmers, but they are not allowed to sell left over water, so in the off season they grow crops like alfalfa. Crops that earn no money really, but if they don't use their allotment it is deducted from their pull next time too.