Wednesday, October 21, 2015

Bernie Sanders calls Pumpkin Pie inequality "immoral"

Holly man grows biggest pumpkin in Michigan

BERNIE: There is no justice, and I want you to hear this clearly, when the top 1/10th of 1 percent of pumpkins on your farm comprise almost as much pie mix and pumpkin puree as the bottom 90 percent on my farm. There is only so much pie to go around at the Farmer's Market Bakery!

FARMER: That's not true on this farm, old man. The more pumpkins I grow, the more the number of pumpkin pies my wife is able to  bake. And the BIGGER the pumpkins, the more seeds are available for the next crop.

BERNIE: But just look at the excess of your prize-winning 1,700 pound behemoth sitting on that flatbed. Obviously this greedy pumpkin absorbed more than its fair share of sunshine, rain and nutrients. That's immoral!

FARMER: It's true that my pumpkins are larger than the ones on your farm. But explain to me again exactly how my larger pumpkins have any effect on the size of yours? How do my large pumpkins make yours necessarily smaller? Your seeds had the same access to the "sunshine, rain and nutrients." It's not my fault you and your pumpkins laid around in bad soil doing weed all day.

BERNIE: This immoral inequality is because the system is rigged! Wealthy farmers and politicians have allied to game the system in their favor. This crony capitalism is not right. It's immoral. And that's why we need democrat socialism farming.

FARMER: I would agree there is tremendous corruption in the system, but crony capitalism and your democrat socialism are two sides of the same coin. You are proposing more of the same for your fix, only you want to be the one to pick the winners and losers. At the same time you are demonizing Free-market capitalism, which is what made this country great, raised more from poverty and remains our only hope for a return to prosperity.

BERNIE: Free-market capitalism is immoral!

FARMER: Free-market capitalism is neither moral or immoral. "No social system can survive without a moral base," said Ayn Rand. That's what we are lacking, if you ask me. We no longer have a moral populace in a large part due to government's intervention. I'm for separation of farm and state, but I am even more in favor of a limited government that gets back to protecting our religious freedoms, promotes the traditional family and discontinues its obfuscation of truth with its grip on our schools and the media. But then again, we were talking about pumpkins...

BERNIE: The pie eaters over at my farm insist on a downward “transfer” of pumpkins from your farm to mine. Let's say 90%ish. That should do it.

FARMER: If that happens, good luck with next year's crop.


  1. good grief! the PC machine will devour us all! okay Jerry...Going shopping now to forget it all! LOL xoxoxoxoxox

  2. Big pumpkins serve little purpose - they are not good to eat. This is a such a waste. It is a true indicator of our bloated capitalistic society. If only these big pumpkin farmers put more effort into feeding the poor!

  3. Angel, Happy shopping! Grab a pumpkin pie for me.

    Dr h, Big Pumpkin lives matter! In my defense, I had insomnia and was up even earlier than usual this morning. I wrote this blather while suffering severe sleep deprivation.

  4. If this pisses off the Libtards, I want to buy more pumpkins ... ~:)

  5. Sparky, I just hope it could cause at least one to begin to think for themselves. But i'd settle for ticking a few off too :)

    cube, I love the desserts of fall. It''s also apple crisp season!