Friday, October 28, 2016

My first Arby's venison sandwich "kill"

Arby's to sell venison sandwiches
Atlanta — Deer hunting season is on the way, but fans of venison might not have to trek out into the woods this year to get their fix.

Arby’s has announced that it will be offering venison sandwiches this fall in six states, including Michigan, where deer hunting is popular. The Atlanta-based chain says its sandwich will include thick-cut venison steak and crispy onions on a roll.

The venison sandwiches will be available at the following Michigan locations Nov. 12-15:

■ 4229 W Vienna Road, Clio
■ 4040 17 Mile Rd. NE, Cedar Springs
■1215 M-89, Plainwell
■ 8685 Birch Run Road, Birch Run

In a release announcing the sandwich, Arby’s chief marketing officer Rob Lynch acknowledges that the idea “is probably the biggest stretch for us yet” but adds that the deer meat meal is “incredibly delicious.”

Some of us are hunters. Some of us are gatherers. Some of us prefer the drivethru.

Chattering Teeth News - I plan to be first in line when the doors open at the Arby's Clio location on November 12 - assuming I get the deer blind constructed in time (depicted above), and further assuming there is still a working economy and commerce 5 days after Hilery (sic) is elected.

I've never been a hunter. Oh sure, I have camo Crocs and an assortment of firearms, and I HAVE stood in the woods staring vacantly at nothing for hours. I've just never put all those loves together.

This will be my first venison sandwich "kill".

Don't worry, though! I plan on taking these steps to ensure a successful sandwich hunt:

* I will wear an orange vest to make myself completely visible to other patrons in line to avoid them transacting through me.

* I plan on marinating myself in deer urine to cover up my natural scent (which will likely be an improvement after having spent 2 weeks in the parking lot deer blind). After all, I don't want to spook my sandwich if the wind changes.

* Immediately after 'bagging' my first venison sandwich, I plan to open the corner of about a dozen of the Arby's sauce packets and smearing the contents on my cheeks and forehead.

* I will utilize all parts of the sandwich, leaving no crispy onion crumb to waste.

* Assuming I had a successful sandwich hunt, I will not change my underwear until sandwich season is over.

I hope these tips help you to also have a successful sandwich hunt.


  1. Ed, I know this is a little over-the-top controversial, but somebody had to say it!

  2. Keep it up. You have a reputation to uphold!