Even More Bizarre Photos Surfacing From Obama's State Dinner and House Party

Tiger Woods' Neighborhood on Lockdown

Security in Tiger Woods' private community has ramped up to the point where even the people who live there are being told where they can and cannot go.

There are even rumors that Michaele and Tareq Salahi were discovered trying to enter Wood's home through the servant's entrance but were turned away!

Meanwhile, more bizarre photos are surfacing from Obama's State Dinner and house party. An unidentified couple are pictured in the foreground here, and are said to be people of interest to the ever-vigilant secret service.

Random Golf Thoughts

* Golfers who claim they don't cheat, also lie.
* Counting on your opponent to inform you when he breaks a rule is like expecting him to make fun of his own haircut.
* Still within the "14-club limit".


* If it ain't broke, try changing your grip.
* No matter how bad you are playing, it is always possible to play worse.
* You can hit a 2-acre fairway 10% of the time, and a 2-inch branch 90% of the time.
* The trouble with golf is that you are only as good as your last putt.
* Tree. A good drive spoiled.



* A ball you can see in the rough from 50 yards away is not yours.
* Hazards attract. Fairways repel.
* It's a simple matter to keep your ball in the fairway if you're not choosy about which fairway.
* All the executives from my company play this course.


* The golf course is the only place I can take my wife where she can't talk constantly.
* TIGER: "Everyone replaces his divot after a perfect approach shot."
* COP: "How many times did you hit him with the 9-iron?"
ELIN: "I don't know. Five, six, seven... Put me down for a five."

Tiger Woods: "I will certainly make sure this doesn't happen again."

Tiger Woods canceled another meeting with state troopers on Sunday, setting off this low-speed police chase. Tiger's golf cart is reportedly hitting speeds of 30 MPH, lending evidence to recent internet rumors speculating that Tiger has adjusted the governor. So far Chopper 4 has been unable to identify the passenger in Tiger's golf cart.



So were Tiger's injuries caused by his hot Swedish model wife, Elin Nordegren, or was he attacked by his SUV? That's what the cops want to know.

There are still more questions than answers with this whole business. Like, was Tiger "driving" this Cadillac Escalade while still married to Buick? Were the loving couple just playing an innocent game of night glo golf, with Elin simply striking where it lies? Did the police find a discarded bloody golf glove at the scene, and why did some guy named "Kato" insist he was the Wood's caddy?

Tiger's Twitter?
TIGER: "This is a private matter and I want to keep it that way. I will certainly make sure this doesn't happen again".

For the record people, if DaBlade is found at 2AM bleeding from facial lacerations, and his loving wife is standing over him with his 9-iron "helping" him... you may safely assume that alcohol is involved.

Bizarre Photos Appear Of Virginia Couple Who Crashed Obama's State Dinner

It's official. Michaele and Tareq Salahi did meet Obama.


At least the president made them feel welcome.

Happy Thanksgiving

I recall fondly the Thanksgivings of my youth. The day would start early, as I had to do the paper route. I would distribute the five pound editions four at a time before having to go home to re-load the sack. Once the papers were done, it was back home to the smell of roasting turkey! My father was a homicide detective, and the high Flint crime rate kept him gamefully employed and food on the table.

There was nothing on the three TV channels except parades, so I would lay on the green shag carpet in front of the 19in screen and watch those. At some point the house smoke alarm would go off, acting as a sort of dinner bell by announcing that mom's rolls were done (and then some) and it was time to eat.

My brothers and I would rush the table and throw our asses and elbows out like we were posting up Shaq for a rebound. My dad would tell us, "take what you want, but eat what you take." Now I have 3 boys of my own. It brings me great joy to see them carry on that tradition.

Happy Thanksgiving to one and all of my friends!

Turkey Death Panels, and other scrumptiuos words

It is Thanksgiving Eve and satirical turkey posts are all over the internet. The Sarah Palin turkey grinder pictures always make me chuckle. So when I ran across this seemingly satirical story regarding a farm animal rescue and welfare organization called Farm Sanctuary petitioning Obama to send them Courage the turkey after this afternoon's pardon, I cracked up. I assumed this had to be a satirical piece and that even liberals weren't this whacked.

I mean, it seems to make a case to cover domestic turkeys into the Obamacare plan, and for end-of-life turkey death panels, all while blaming George W Bush for turkey torture. I've read this three times and now I'm not so sure if this is really satire. Can somebody help me out on this?:

Beginning with George H.W. Bush in 1989, Presidents have been sparing the lives of two White House turkeys at Thanksgiving time and sending them to various farms across Virginia. George Bush the Younger, however, bucked tradition in 2005 and sent the birds to either Disneyland or Disneyworld. There, they were crassly paraded about as holiday attractions, fed a conventional diet of cheap feed, and medically ignored. Half the birds died within a year. Writes Farm Sanctuary: "Disney's track record shows that it simply is not able to provide the level of care necessary to keep these birds healthy, happy and comfortable for years. "

The reason is interesting, if disturbing, and it lends a bit of insight into the bizarre nature of turkey farming. Modern turkeys are not bred for longevity. To the contrary, they're genetically manipulated to fatten as quickly as possible and die. Breeding for commercially desirable traits--mainly large breasts--has created turkeys that are so top-heavy they can hardly walk. Sex is equally out of the question, as distortions make it physically impossible for the birds to mate (all commercial turkeys are artificially inseminated). And what's been done to them externally has an internal counterpart. Heart attacks, for example, are common in young turkeys, something that never happens in the wild. Bottom line: past a certain age, it takes a lot of work to keep these biological oddities alive and well.

Other teh funneh posts (which DaBlade officially declared satire) and made him loose coffee from his nostrils...

Critics: Pardoned Turkey May Return to Attack US

PRESIDENT OBAMA "VERY CLOSE' TO DECIDING FATE OF TURKEY

So I sign today's post off in the spirit of that great liberal news fabricator extraordinaire, Dan Rather, with this simple wish for all of you.

COURAGE

While the meaning of Rather's signoff was never quite clear due to his insanity, my meaning is quite simply Bon Appétit y'all.

a mishmash, hodgepodge, pungent potpourri and flowery bouquet of blog words and other assorted bs

For you legions of folks who rely on this blog for your exclusive news, information, gossip, and the occasional weather report, my inactivity over the last few days must have left you scrambling around in a state of ignorance and confusion on current events (and whether or not you'll need a coat). I assure all of you (both of you) that I do take my internets responsibility seriously, and I promise I will endeavor to engage dozens of brain cells today in full-blown blogohaulic activity.

So let's catch up. This shouldn't take long. Since my last post, Obama's poll numbers (and that of his healthcare plan) have plummeted below 50%; Obama's indecision on Afghanistan continues unabated; the whole global warming scam has officially been debunked; and this just in - Adam Lambert is still gay.

Moving on... I read this headline on Drudge this morning: CA man allegedly paid teens to spit in his face, and I think to myself, "why is this news? Didn't 64,385,746 Americans vote to allow Obama to do no less?"

Then this:India tests nuclear-capable missile after sunset

Coincidentally, guess who is the guest of honor at Obama's little State Dinner and toga party at the WH tonight? That's right, none other than Indian Prime Minister Manmohan "Vijay" Singh, who split the fairway with this surface-to-surface Agni II missile in a longest drive contest with Obama. Obama will most likely respond with what he does best by bowing deeply to Singh repeatedly. A weak president like ours just invites missile messages. You would have thought Obama learned this lesson after inviting Ahkmadeenadude to his south lawn weenie roast over the summer.

In conclusion, look for partly cloudy skies witha mid-Michigan high in the lower 50's.

fava beans and a nice chianti or tabasco with a bottle of ripple?

I'm typing away on the office computer when that tune from the Geico commercials starts blaring in my head. It "I always feel like... Somebody's Watching Me..." I swiveled around in my ergonomically correct desk chair, all levers and dials set at stun. I fully expected to see that stack of money with the googly eyes, but to my horror, I found myself staring into this eyeball! He's Baaaack!

I snapped this picture with my camera phone, not really sure if this macabre apparation would even appear. Either the vampire test only works with real film, or at least this fella is not of the undead. He could still be wired. I plan on setting a snare and we shall see.

If I'm lucky, this guy may learn the painful truth about Thanksgiving dinner during the Obama years. We'll see how anxious he is to eyeball me over the plate of dressing!

Israeli housing strategy: Build, Baby, Build!

New U.S. housing starts in October unexpectedly fell to their lowest level in six months, weighed down by a sharp decline in construction activity for both single-family and multi-family dwellings, a government report showed on Wednesday.

Meanwhile, the Israeli housing market is booming, with the "construction of 900 additional housing units in a Jewish neighborhood in East Jerusalem, which Palestinians claim for the capital of their future state."

Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu: The status of Jerusalem is not open for negotiation.

Robert Gibbs: We are dismayed. How can Benny boy expect to keep the peace when he is not bowing to the Palestinians in supplication, weakness, apology, and surrender?

Obama to China - "Tear Down This Wall!"

Seriously. I thought my lineage was complicated (right uncle-cousin?). But then came our POTUS with the MOSTUS, Barack Hassan OBowma. He steps off the plane in China and is hugging and bowing like an idiot to another half-brother, this one Mark Okoth Obama Ndesandjo (MOON).

Talk about a shack-living half-brother in every port! If I got this straight, Ndesandjo's mother, Ruth Nidesand, was Barack Obama Sr.'s third wife, thrice removed. Dreams of My Father, indeed! Doesn't sound like either mom or dad were getting much sleep in the day.

Obama then had Michelle strap on his helmet for his tour of the Great Wall of China.



Obama met with Chinese Premier Wen Jiabao on the Wall, and our Chattering Teeth reporter was there...

WEN: The Great Wall is a proud symbol of their heritage for the Chinese people.

OBAMA: Well I must admit that this wall thingy does work. I haven't spotted even ONE Mexican inside your borders since I've arrived. Oops, Hu asked me not to talk about Yuan, know what I'm sayin'?!

WEN: Errrr.... not really. Let me just say that China does not pursue a trade surplus, and my government wants to encourage a steady balancing of bilateral trade.

OBAMA: Speaking of "balancing", watch this! (Obama performs the Karate Kid swan stance on Wall's edge).

WEN: Mr. President, please come down from there!

OBAMA: It's OK Wen, I'm wearing a helmet. Don't get all wee wee'd up!.... Get it? wee wee'd up Wen? So is it true that you can see this sucker from space?

WEN: I do not know understand this question...?!

OBAMA: Cuz' according to NASA, you can see this sucker from outer space (smiles and points to Michelle's big 'ol butt) Know what I'm sayin'?

WEN: May we get back to business please?!

OBAMA: Chinese Premier Wen Jiabao, if you seek peace, if you seek prosperity for China and all of Asia, come here to this gate. Mr. Wen, open this gate. Mr. Wen, tear down this wall!


The official Xinhua news agency stated that Obama's words "forged a good starting point to further Chinese-U.S. ties."

PARENTING YOUR OBAMA

I don't know why Obama's Asian world tour reminded me of Cheap Trick's Asian "Surrender" tour of 1978.

After hopping around Japan over the weekend and blowing smoke rings like some skinny version of Godzilla's baby boy, Godzuki, Obama is spending the day sightseeing in Beijing. Maybe Hu is showing BO the magic of how colorful building facades can hide the blight and ruin.

It is true, though, what they say about Chinese. Just when you fully digest that Obama is in China, you're immediately hungry for him to stay gone.

The Hu and BO show told reporters yesterday that "the United States and China were in agreement on a range of issues, but they spoke only in general terms... Obama said the United States was not seeking to impose its political system on other countries, but he called freedom of expression and worship among the 'universal rights' common to all people".

That makes me think of Obama as a pimply-faced teenager lecturing his parents about rules, while all the while his hand is out for his weekly allowance and keys to dads car.



Which brings us to the newest magazine to hit the newsstands of Shanghai:

PARENTING YOUR OBAMA
Inspired by parenting4dummies:
Teaching Your Teenager The Value Of Money

Cover story of opening issue by Chinese President, Hu Jintao

It is critically important to begin teaching your Obama about money early in their administration. You should give them a few dollars every week which they can spend in whatever way they want. This allowance should not be 'free' but should be dependent on their completing some household chores. You should however work with them and let them decide what chores they want to do (Cap and Trade, universal healthcare, purchasing banks and car companies, etc) instead of giving them particular jobs. In addition, it is important not to set limits on what they can spend their money on and also that, having given them allowance, you do not then simply go on buying them the things they want. They need to, and quickly will, find out that if they spend all of their allowance as soon as they get it they will not be able to buy some of the more expensive things they want.

The communist Chinese chastising Obama for being too socialist? Nah! That would have to be satire, wouldn't it?

Chinese premier Wen Jiabao urges his pet Obama to keep the U.S. deficit to an appropriate size so that there will be basic stability in the exchange rate, and that is conducive to stability and the recovery of the global economy.

Back to the PARENTING YOUR OBAMA piece:

Do not forget also that you can always backtrack. If you discover that your kids are not learning how to to use money sensibly, then do not be afraid to step in and take back control of that money until you are satisfied that they can handle it.

At some point, your teenager will decide to get a job and this is an excellent time at which to introduce them to the benefits of saving.

Obama get a job and save? OK, NOW we have entered into the world of satire.

OBAMA THUMB PUPPET

Wooden Obama thumb puppet toy with red wood base - VINTAGE Old-time toy! Push up on the bottom of his base, he will wiggle, jiggle, and dance! Hold the button in and he will immediately collapse in a full blown treasonous bow; release and he "snaps" back upright! (Japanese Emporers and Saudi kings are not included) Fun toy for all liberals. 4 inches tall. VERY Small parts. Not recommended for adults with intellects over three years of age. Made in China.

Mime Stalkers Among Us

Most folks have a phobia or two (or twelve). Some are afraid of spiders, while others are terrified of snakes. Some people are afraid of the dark, while others are afraid of socialist community organizers winning the presidency. I share all those phobias, but at the very top of my list, the thing that wakes me in the middle of the night in sweat-soaked sheets, has actually happened to actor Nicolas Cage.

STALKED BY A MIME!

Nicolas Cage fans are FAR crazier than Robert Pattinson's!

The Ghost Rider star who's money troubles has been the butt of jokes lately confesses he feared for his life when he discovered a silent and "maybe deadly fan" -- a dreaded white-faced Marcel Marceau-esque mime when lensing on the streets of New York.

"I was being stalked by a mime - silent but maybe deadly," Cage revealed.

"Somehow, this mime would appear on the set of Bringing Out the Dead and start doing strange things. I have no idea how it got past security.

"Finally, the producers took some action and I haven't seen the mime since.

"But it was definitely unsettling."

I consider myself a Christian man, but I have a crisis of faith when I read something like that. How can a Loving God allow such attrocities to occur? I only pray the Keystone Cops catch this Mime with an invisible lasso and lock him up in one of those imaginary boxes they have such a tough time with, and throw away the invisible key.

Obama Afghan strategy: Hither and Dither

During the campaign, I posited this hypothetical question:

There is a crisis brewing. Who do you want to answer the phone?

The choices included Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama, or a this relative unknown pictured here. I think you can guess who won that mock poll. Unfortunately, we know the rest. Obama wins the election after having passed over Hillary AND this squirrel for his running mate, instead choosing someone of inferior intellect to both.

So now we have this socialist community organizer with his national security team discussing Afghanistan in the Situation Room of the White House yesterday. Now brings today's rhetardical mock poll question:

General McChrystal has requested an additional 40,000 more troops for a proven counterinsurgency strategy in Afghanistan. Which table of advisors below would you be most comfortable having in charge of this decision? (sorry, the squirrel is not an option here).

(A)

(B)

Obama has reportedly rejected all of the Afghanistan war options before him, and he is apparently unhappy with Afghan President Hamid Karzai's healthcare plan or something. Obama certainly can't be critical of Karzai's "corruption, lack of transparency, poor governance (and) absence of the rule of law," right? I mean, that would be a little ironic, don'tcha think?

OBAMA: I am not comfortable with this concept of "victory" in Afghanistan, and will settle for nothing less than total surrender and humiliation for the United States. That is why I am turning this issue over to my top advisor BO, who has brought in an expert on Afghanistan.

God Bless the Veterans

An American Soldier an American
Beside my brothers and my sisters, I will proudly take a stand
When liberty’s in jeopardy, I will always do what’s right
I’m out here on the front lines, sleep in peace tonight
American Soldier, I’m and American, an American, an American, Soldier.