Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Turkey Death Panels, and other scrumptiuos words

It is Thanksgiving Eve and satirical turkey posts are all over the internet. The Sarah Palin turkey grinder pictures always make me chuckle. So when I ran across this seemingly satirical story regarding a farm animal rescue and welfare organization called Farm Sanctuary petitioning Obama to send them Courage the turkey after this afternoon's pardon, I cracked up. I assumed this had to be a satirical piece and that even liberals weren't this whacked.

I mean, it seems to make a case to cover domestic turkeys into the Obamacare plan, and for end-of-life turkey death panels, all while blaming George W Bush for turkey torture. I've read this three times and now I'm not so sure if this is really satire. Can somebody help me out on this?:
Beginning with George H.W. Bush in 1989, Presidents have been sparing the lives of two White House turkeys at Thanksgiving time and sending them to various farms across Virginia. George Bush the Younger, however, bucked tradition in 2005 and sent the birds to either Disneyland or Disneyworld. There, they were crassly paraded about as holiday attractions, fed a conventional diet of cheap feed, and medically ignored. Half the birds died within a year. Writes Farm Sanctuary: "Disney's track record shows that it simply is not able to provide the level of care necessary to keep these birds healthy, happy and comfortable for years. "

The reason is interesting, if disturbing, and it lends a bit of insight into the bizarre nature of turkey farming. Modern turkeys are not bred for longevity. To the contrary, they're genetically manipulated to fatten as quickly as possible and die. Breeding for commercially desirable traits--mainly large breasts--has created turkeys that are so top-heavy they can hardly walk. Sex is equally out of the question, as distortions make it physically impossible for the birds to mate (all commercial turkeys are artificially inseminated). And what's been done to them externally has an internal counterpart. Heart attacks, for example, are common in young turkeys, something that never happens in the wild. Bottom line: past a certain age, it takes a lot of work to keep these biological oddities alive and well.
Other teh funneh posts (which DaBlade officially declared satire) and made him loose coffee from his nostrils...

Critics: Pardoned Turkey May Return to Attack US


So I sign today's post off in the spirit of that great liberal news fabricator extraordinaire, Dan Rather, with this simple wish for all of you.


While the meaning of Rather's signoff was never quite clear due to his insanity, my meaning is quite simply Bon App├ętit y'all.