The wife and I stopped by the local Home Depot after church yesterday to buy a power washer, deck stain and assorted rollers and accessories. Apparently, my wife believes that Memorial Day weekend is meant to be spent in hard labor around the homestead. I reminded her that the day is set aside to remember those who gave the ultimate sacrifice for our freedoms, and "how am I supposed to do that while working?" She reminded me that weekends squandered in leisure is not considered an 'ultimate sacrifice', and to "quit yer whining!"
So there I was, pushing the cart of goodies toward the exit just past the hot dog vendor. The misses must have been feeling some fraction of guilt for the lash marks on my back, as she nodded at the hot dog vendor while telling me, "go ahead".
The peddler and purveyor of these plump and prodigious redhots was a young female working alone. Apparently, she was expected to multitask as the chef AND the cashier. I placed my order for a hot dog.
I should have known she was not fully trained when she asked, "What kind? A regular hot dog or a Vienna?"
I was momentarily confused and felt slight vertigo by her question, and wondered if I mistakenly used my fake French accent when placing my order - thereby throwing her off and eliciting her question. I shook off my momentary fugue, and answered in my very best Flint accent, "Vienna, daaaaang girl!"
While she was 'preparing' my post-Home Depot feast, I engaged her in a palaver of verbal confabulation for my own amusement. "I'm sure you are aware, madame - as you are in the business so to speak - that Merriam-Webster just recently declared by decree that the hot dog shall henceforth be considered a sandwich. How does this make you feel?"
She giggled and said she had not heard this and she didn't care one way or the other.
I searched her eyes and face for tics or other tells that might suggest a lack of veracity or that she might somehow be involved in this conspiracy. Finding none, I determined that she really hadn't read or heard about this frankfurter travesty of justice. This immediately enraged me. How can Home Depot enlist a hot dog vendor who doesn't keep up on the very latest hot dog news!?
Calling a hot dog a sandwich? You might as well say the Earth is flat! or that anthropogenic Global Warming is a thing! Or that Donald Trump is a conservative!
I slathered a healthy portion of mustard and onions on my vienna and stormed through the exit, mumbling unintellibles all the way to the car.
REGARDING the photoshop of Obama feasting on the First Family Portugese Water dogs, Sunny and Bo. While it's true Obama has enjoyed eating playful puppies in his sordid past, he has yet to consume Sunny and Bo (as far as I know). No mother from Cincinnati has tossed her 4-year-old toddler over the fence and into the White House enclosure - so they seem safe for now.
A recent 'news' story suggests these dogs are have a busy schedule.
Hardly a dog's life for Obama's pets Bo and Sunny
I thought for sure they would have deleted my comment (below) but is still there as of this post.
|"I like to lay on the floor with them and blow in their face. I like to make them run and chase each other. But they're so cute, I just love to just cuddle them and massage them."|
At first blush, I thought this was a quote from Bill Clinton regarding the Lewinski 'puppies'.
And now, a special treat from last year...
So in conclusion, a hot dog may be a sandwich, but it will never be a sammich!
THE END II
My head is spinning. Is that normal?ReplyDelete
"head is spinning" is a common occurrence reported by folks recently reading Chattering Teeth. Nausea and vomiting are the number one and two symptoms, however.ReplyDelete
I was caught mumbling unintellibles near the White House fence once and they wanted to give me a job as Spokesman for the PotUS DingleBarry. I just threw a 4 year old dog named Vienna over the fence and ran. ~:)ReplyDelete
Sparky, umbling unintellibles would make you an excellent spokeswoman for El Diablobama. Now you're making my head spin :)ReplyDelete