Tuesday, November 22, 2016

Kanye West Translates the "Hamilton Rant"

Vice president-elect, Mike Pence, was lectured by the Broadway cast of “Hamilton” this past Friday night to the cheering throng of progressives in attendance.  The rest of us are scratching our heads wondering what exactly this message really was.

Well, who better to translate the Hamilton rant than rapper, Kanye West, recently hospitalised for a psychiactric evaluation  after a similar on-stage 'message' delivered to his captive audience.

Chattering Teeth News - Grabbing a white smock and a clipboard from the ER closet and posing as a hospital orderly, I caught up with Kanye, who was handcuffed to his hospital bed and cursing a nearby radio. After administering a morphine drip (again, found in the ER closet) I was able to convince Kanye to decipher the written copy of the Hamilton rant. It was then that I realized the IV was in my arm and not Mr. West's... Zzzzzzz

Thank you so much for joining us tonight. You know, we had a guest in the audience this evening. And Vice President-elect Pence, I see you're walking out but I hope you will hear us just a few more moments. There's nothing to boo here ladies and gentlemen. There's nothing to boo here, we're all here sharing a story of love.

KANYE: Stop it, stop it. Hey radio, f%&* you! Radio, f%&* you! Oh yeah, I’m on my Trump sh#@ tonight. Radio, f%&* you. Yeah, I’m taking his lead. I’mma just say how I say, be ‘Ye, and win. I’mma take his lead. Radio, f%&* you! Wait a second. Eh, is it, “Radio, f%&* you? That’s what you’re saying?” Exactly.

We have a message for you, sir. We hope that you will hear us out. And I encourage everybody to pull out your phones and tweet and post because this message needs to be spread far and wide, OK?

KANYE: I love you, bro. Don’t tell me how to be me, though. I love you. I’m not scared. I’m here to change things. I got the visions, bro. That’s what I’ve been blessed with. My vision. I’m not always going to say things the perfect way, the right way. But I’m going to say how I feel. Right now, press get ready to write your passive-aggressive, LeBron James, racist comments. Season 4, racist comments. Get ready to have a field day, press. Get ready, get ready.

Vice President-elect Pence, we welcome you and we truly thank you for joining us here at Hamilton: An American Musical, we really do. We, sir, we are the diverse America who are alarmed and anxious that your new administration will not protect us — our planet, our children, our parents — or defend us and uphold our inalienable rights, sir.

KANYE: Aye, bruh, I know you got killers. Please don’t send them at my head. Just call me. Talk to me like a man.  I know you got hitters from Miami. Please do not send them at my head. I just want to have a conversation about how we playing radio’s game. Pence, you a real (n-word). You got the keys. But as we learn all the politics that (n-word)s was doing for years. Obama couldn’t make America great because he couldn’t be him to be who he was. Black men have been slaves. Obama wasn’t allowed to do this [screams] and still win. He had to be perfect. But being perfect don’t always change sh*&, bro. Being perfect don’t always change sh*&, bro.

But we truly hope that this show has inspired you to uphold our American values and to work on behalf of all of us. All of us.

KANYE:... except for Beyoncé. Beyoncé, I was hurt!

Again, we truly thank you for sharing this show. This wonderful American story told by a diverse group of men [and] women of different colors, creeds, and orientations.

KANYE: It’s a new world, Hillary Clinton, it’s a new world. Feelings matter. Because guess what? Everybody in middle America felt a way and they showed you how they felt. Feelings matter, bro. It’s a new world. It’s a new world, Barack. It’s a new world, Jay Z. Hey, don’t send killers at my head, bro.

[Drops mic]


  1. And to think, had he voted, it would have been for Trump.
    I'm surprised you didn't mention that.

  2. THAT is why the left has him in the coo coo bin for re-education. I hope he cleared up the confusing hamilton message for you though. Kanye should have his own app/device - instead of a talking Siri, I want a talking Kanye.