Monday, September 4, 2017

Joel Olsteen preparing another Estes hobby toy rocket launch in response to hurricane criticism

Joel Osteen flexes his hobby toy rocket skills and maniacal white-toothed grin.

Chattering Teeth News - Joel Osteen's Lakewood Church reportedly appears to be making preparations to launch a hobby toy Estes Alpha III Rocket  in response to criticism he has received for turning away Hurricane Harvey victims in need of food and shelter.

The rocket brags a projected maximum altitude of 1,100' with a 12" diameter parachute for rocket recovery.

While this rocket series is easy to assemble and designed with beginners in mind, Joel Olsteen is sure to increase his knowledge and technical capabilities with each launch.

He could feasibly reach a skill level 5 rocket like this Black Star Voyager, with its laser cut wood, waterslide decals, and an 18 in. parachute recovery, and an ability to deliver a 7-ounce payload of "sympathy and benevolence" at Joel's whim.

NASA's Shocking plan to relieve Yellowstone's pressure with Melania's Shoes

Chattering Teeth Science News - NASA believes the Yellowstone super volcano is a greater threat to life on Earth than any asteroid  (and second only to Trump's presidency).

NASA’s researchers were tasked with coming up with strategies to avert a super volcano catastrophe. At the top of this list of 'fixes' was implementing suffocating new taxes coupled with an Al Gore and/or Michael Moore propaganda movie aimed at anesthetizing the American people into unconsciousness. While the taxes would have no effect on the volcano, it would line the marxist's pockets to ensure survival of our 'best and brightest'. 

The second strategy, while more practical, was substantially more dangerous and having to do with drilling 10km deep holes adjacent to the magma chamber and pumping in cooling water. “Don't Mess With Yellowstone Super volcano” Geologists Warn NASA! The “risky” plan could actually backfire and trigger an eruption – potentially triggering a deadly nuclear winter.

As a compromise, NASA Imagineers have developed a plan to relieve Yellowstone's super volcano pressure with Melania Trump’s black snakeskin 5-inch stilettos. Volcanologists agree that, while the 5-inch stilettos would not drill down as deeply, the sheer volume of puncture holes could theoretically decrease temperatures by 35%.

However, if Melania's stilettos inadvertently triggered a devastating super volcanic eruption, it could lead to potentially deadly consequences, including breaking and melting the 5-inch stilettos heels.



  1. The super volcano does sound like fire and brimstone.

    Why is this thing not located in the middle east? Can it be moved? Can Joel be put in charge of constant on site monitoring of the volcano? Can people somehow gain enough intelligence to stop sending people like Joel oodles of their hard earned money ? Can michele obama ever be proud of America again or stop bitching about the terrificly hard time she had to endure in the white house?

    I assume the answer to these questions is No, no, no, no no, a thousand times no, and no.

  2. Kid, While Yellowstone cannot be moved to the Middle East, we do have the technology to create a brand new molten lava hole where Tehran and PyingPong are currently located.

  3. As we approach a new season of the year and the last four months of the year, we must remember...

    WE MUST THAK THE GOOD LORD ABOVE that Donald Trump won the Election because:0

    BARRACK HUSSEIN OBAMA, and his administration, along with HILLARY CLINTON and her SNEAKY HUSBAND along with the rest of her family's Phoney FOUNDATION are under criminal investigation by the FBI.
    And by the way, Donald Trump is President and Hillary Clinton is NOT! .