Saturday, April 7, 2018

President Trump and the Princess Bribe Mueller

Trump begins informal prep for potential Mueller interview

The following is exclusive coverage from CT news:

MUELLER: Where is the Russian collusion? The battle of wits has begun. It ends when you decide and we both drink, and find out who is right.

TRUMP: But it's so simple. All I have to do is divine from what I know of you: are you the sort of man who would put the collusion into his own goblet or his enemy's? Now, a smart man with a good brain would put the collusion into his own goblet, because he would know that only a great fool would reach for what he was given. I am not a great fool, I am a very, very smart person, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you. But you must have known I was not a great fool, you would have counted on it, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me, this I will tell you.

MUELLER:  You've made your decision then?

TRUMP:Not remotely, believe me. Because the "Russian collusion" narrative comes from the Clinton campaign and their fake dossier, as everyone knows, and the Clinton campaign is entirely peopled with criminals, and criminals are used to having people not trust them, as you are not trusted by me, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you.

MUELLER:  Truly, you have a dizzying intellect.

TRUMP:Some people would say the very best intellect. Amazing intellect. Now, where was I?

MUELLER:  The Clinton campaign.

TRUMP:Ah Yes, Crooked Hillary. And you must have suspected I would have known the Russian collusion rumor's origin, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me.

MUELLER: You're just stalling now.

TRUMP: You'd like to think that, wouldn't you? You've charged my former national security advisor and retired general, Michael Flynn with  making false statements to the FBI, which means you're exceptionally strong in setting perjury traps, so you could've put the collusion in your own goblet, trusting your strength to save you, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you. But, you've also indicted my former campaign chairman, Paul Manafort, for tax evasion and bank fraud, which means you must have studied, and in studying you must have learned that man is mortal, so you would have put the collusion as far from yourself as possible, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me.

MUELLER: You're trying to trick me into giving away something. It won't work.


MUELLER:  Then make your choice.

TRUMP:  I will, and I choose... what in the world can that be?

[Trump gestures up and away from the table. Mueller looks backwards. Trump swaps the goblets]

MUELLER:  What? Where? I don't see anything.

TRUMP: Well, I- I could have sworn I saw something. No matter. First, let's drink. Me from my glass, and you from yours.

[Trump and the Mueller drink]

MUELLER:  You guessed wrong.

TRUMP: You only think I guessed wrong! That's what's so funny! I switched glasses when your back was turned! Ha ha! You fool! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders - the most famous of which is "never get involved in a trade war in China" - but only slightly less well-known is this: "Never go in against a very successful businessman when impeachment is on the line"! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha...

[Trump stops suddenly, his smile frozen on his face and falls to the ground dead]

BUTTERCUP: And to think, all that time the collusion was in your cup.

MUELLER:  They were both poisoned. I spent the last few years building up an immunity to leading flawed and inaccurate investigations like the anthrax case, and I am  nothing more than a political hack prosecutor and deep state attack dog with the sole purpose of helping to take down Trump with a damaging report full of bullshit that the democrats can use to lead impeachment proceedings once they take back the house in the midterms. Trump's ego was his downfall, as there was no right answer he could have given, as my report is already written.


[Disclaimer: Any resemblance of the above dialog to that from the movie, The Princess Bride is not coincidental. If I did a top 10 list of my favorite movies, then this would make the cut... I think... I guess I have to do a list to be sure]


  1. Trump should have told him he has friends in North Korea. Friends who would avenge his demise. In fact, these friends have friends that even Trump doesn't know who are spanning the globe right now looking for people who could even remotely cause Trump trouble and are talking them out in very painful ways while North Korean comfort forces women watch and laugh. Trump doesn't know who they are so he cannot stop or even communicate with them. Just like the clinton operatives btw. So Mueller might want to be careful on which lily pad he steps. He might just find a NK comfort woman riding a huge alligator underneath that pad.

  2. Kid, That is an interesting (and hilarious) theory. I don't think Mueller is worried since he has both parties and the media on his side. Who is eve against him and his bogus witch hunt?... Except for the millions of us out here in flyover.