Thursday, June 5, 2008

Hillary: "I'm not going anywhere without my red stapler!"

My wife was watching Fox and Friends yesterday morning and on one of my numerous trips from my computer to visit Mr. Coffee, I overheard the blonde chick say that Hillary reminded her of an employee that gets fired but shows up for work the next day. Of course, this made me think of the hapless Milton from the 1999 movie, Office Space. Directed by Mike Judge of Beavis and Butthead fame, this comedy pokes fun at the typical software company office during the 1990's. This is a must rent if you haven't seen it.

Unbeknownst to Milton, he had been laid off years ago, but due to an accounting glitch, he kept receiving his paycheck. So he keeps reporting for work. Rather than confront Milton directly with the news that his employment had ended, the boss choses to marginalize him by continually moving his desk, hoping to make him quit.

Via IMDb,
Milton Waddams: [talking on the phone] And I said, I don't care if they lay me off either, because I told, I told Bill that if they move my desk one more time, then, then I'm, I'm quitting, I'm going to quit. And, and I told Don too, because they've moved my desk four times already this year, and I used to be over by the window, and I could see the squirrels, and they were married, but then, they switched from the Swingline to the Boston stapler, but I kept my Swingline stapler because it didn't bind up as much, and I kept the staples for the Swingline stapler and it's not okay because if they take my stapler then I'll set the building on fire...
Hillary is Milton. Milton is Hillary. Hillary Waddam Clinton! Clinton keeps cleaning Obama's clock and the Democrats keep moving her desk further and further away from the nomination. In fact, her desk is now officially in the "cockroach-infested storage room in the basement" yet she just keeps on going. The presidency is her red stapler, and she is not going to let it go without a throwdown! She loves that red stapler. She has dreamed of that red stapler her entire life. And now this young and inexperienced rookie is on the verge of snatching it away from her! Hillary Waddam's only chance now is to coerce this young upstart into making her second in line of succession to the red stapler and see what happens. After all, Robert Kennedy doesn't have a red stapler.

Peter Gibbons is the main character in this film. Due to a hynosis snafu, he spends the entire flick in complete relaxation. So much so, that he pursues his lifelong dream of doing absolutely nothing. He barely does enough work to get by. For this, the company hierarchy promotes him over much more worthy candidates. Sounds like Barack Obama to me! Select the most inept boob for the top slot and just watch the buffoonery!

By the way, this character is played by a white guy, so I pass the litmus test some would establish for these analogies. And I can't be accused of sexism, as Milton is male and Hillary kind of isn't. However, they both are white and are in possession of enormous thighs, so I may have to rethink the appropriateness of this comparison. I'll get back to you on this.


  1. Evidently the "2 Bobs" have spoken.

  2. What's happening? Great. So I'm gonna need you to go ahead and come in on Sunday, too...