Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Mega Multi Million Vitamins

Mega Million drawing results... I didn't win. As a result, this blog cannot afford to retire and must plod on out of necessity. I heard your sigh of relief.

I did play, though I hadn't purchased a lottery ticket in a loooong time. I have to wait for the jackpot to get high enough to attract my attention and my imagination. I can't waste time on a paltry jackpot of just a few tens of Millions. I can't live on that. I do have a flamboyant lifestyle that needs to be supported and pampered, after all.

The reason I rarely buy a lotto ticket is because I do recognize the long odds of winning. Todd Northrop, the founder of, has said that, "Winning the Mega Millions is akin to getting struck by lightning at the same time you're being eaten by a shark," though I haven't heard of even one Mega Millions winner who suffered even one of these misfortunes.

So I bought a ticket and dreamed of what I would do with the money. Hey, if you're going to get caught up in the pessimism of having no chance to win, then don't play! The only utility one gets from buying a ticket is perchance to dream, and so I did.

What would you do with all that cash? Some folks opt to receive an annuity over time. Not me. Many think I'm crazy for this, but I would have opted to receive my winnings in a lump sum and in the form of multivitamins.

"But Jerry", you say. "Didn't you read the latest research claiming that these multivitamin supplementals provide absolutely zero health benefits?"

Ahhh, that's what they say now. Do you buy your stock when its at an all-time high? Or rather, do you go against the herd and buy low and SELL HIGH! $636 Million buys a lot more multivitamins now than it would have last week, amIright? Now THAT is some expensive urine!

But alas, I did not win.

I shall have the last laugh, however, as I took out a second mortgage on the house and now I have $80,000 worth on multivitamins stored in my garage. I can't wait to surprise my wife. It shouldn't take too long to parfait that up to $636 Million. See ya at the top suckers!!!

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