FLASH: Obama's Teleprompter OD'd on Eloquence

Toxicology results from the teleprompter autopsy are back, and indications are that TOTUS was abusing Eloquence, a more potent derivative of the hallucinogenic drug, Ecstasy. Plug marks were reportedly found up and down TOTUS' cord. Speculation is that TOTUS was under a lot of pressure and stress over Obama's upcoming schedule of speeches.

A public memorial ceremony for TOTUS is scheduled for Friday at The Staples Center.

Obama is so slick and knows every trick

"Give it to me!"

Obama in Warren, Michigan Tuesday:
"I love these folks who helped get us in this mess and then suddenly say, 'Well, this is Obama's economy,'" the president said in a pointed deviation from his prepared text. "That's fine. Give it to me!"

J Geils Band, Give it to Me...
(and apparently our president's shower song)
You're so slick now, know every trick now
You know I want it, I want it so bad
You know I need it, I can't believe it
So come on baby, Please relieve it

You've got to get it up (give it up)
You've got to get it up (give it up)
You've got to get it up (give it up)
You've got to get it up (give it up)

When Obama says "IT", he means the economy. I don't think Peter "Oover Groover" Wolf was referring to the economy.

Hey Obama. Don't say "give it to me", capice? It sounds funny when you say it.

OK, what the heck. Now I got the hankerin'... I was going to comment on Obama taking ownership of the economy, while in the next breath admitting that unemployment figures will continue to "tick up" (read: Skyrocket through the roof)... but I've decided I'd rather listen to one of the best songs by the funkiest band in the land...


A 2009 J Geils renaissance underway? I wasn't able to make their Detroit appearance at the Fillmore in April. They also played in Boston, and just had a July 11th reunion concert in Atlantic City.

Bring it back to Detroit one more time fellas!

Now back to the regularly scheduled program...

"I want the president's economic stimulus to work, but guess what? It's not happening right now," Rep. Candice Miller, R-Mich., said Tuesday, voicing a common GOP refrain. "I don't even think we have Wendy's jobs anymore. Where's the beef? Where's the jobs?"

The fall of TOTUS - a "Two for Tuesday" special

For the rest of the speech the president relied on the one remaining teleprompter, to his right, and notes on his podium to finish his speech.

Reminded me of this old joke for some reason...

Two blondes were flying to Miami from Cleveland. Fifteen minutes into the flight, the captain announced "One of the engines has failed and the flight will be an hour longer. But don't worry we have three engines left".Thirty minutes later, the captain announced "One more engine has failed and the flight will be two hours longer. But don't worry we have two engines left". An hour later the capain announced "One more engine has failed and the flight will be three hours longer. But don't worry we have one engine left". One blonde looked at the other the other blonde and said "If we lose one more engine, we'll be up here all day"

Obama would like to see you in his office

A very funny satirical piece from the ONION:
Obama To Hold Job Performance Reviews For Every American Worker
The President says the purpose of the performance reviews is to have a little face time to make sure we're all on the same page going forward...

Funny? Yes. But I also found this video to be slightly disturbing because of it's plausibility. Not only the "Big Brother" aspect, but because Obama's economic policies are responsible for drastically shrinking the pool of Americans actually working who would require this sort of review.


Obama To Hold Job Performance Review With Every American Worker

"(these performance reviews are) part of his plan to spur economic growth by increasing national productivity..."
Makes more sense than what he's currently doing as it at least would address the REAL cause of economic growth - that being from the American worker and NOT the freakin' government spending printed money.

"A lot of Americans are nervous about their meeting with the president..."
Wouldn't you be?

Most Americans say that Obama was friendly but they prefer the old president because he, "never gave a sh** what we did."
Of course they feel the need to take a shot at Bush here. It's part of the Obama derangement syndrome. If having a president not giving a sh** what I do is defined as having a president who understands the role of government, sign me up.

CONFIRMATION HEARING SHOCK! SOTOMAYOR REPORTEDLY IS THE REAL MOTHER OF MICHAEL JACKSON'S YOUNGEST CHILD, BLANKET!

Not really. There won't be any surprises during the anticlimactic, preordained confirmation hearings of Sotomayor.

According to a CNN opinion poll, Supreme Court nominee Sonia Sotomayor's popularity has plummeted alongside Obama's numbers.

Forty-seven percent of respondents to the poll say they would like to see the U.S. Senate vote to confirm versus forty-percent who say they would not, with the remaining thirteen percent who apparently would rather see her forced to run in the streets of Pamplona. And she polls much more poorly among firefighters.

Not that it matters. As long as this "wise Latina woman" privately tows the pro-infanticide democrat line, she is a slam dunk.

Still, one can hope the Obamatrain gets derailed somewhere along the line, can't one?

House Democrats admit they lack intelligence

A showdown between House Democrats and Obama and the CIA?

I haven't actually read the bill (or the entire article), but I believe the House Democrats are fighting to expand the number of folks who get to receive sensitive intelligence information on CIA covert activities to include left-wing bloggers at HuffingGlue Post. Maybe not, but it's not like the House Democrats actually read the documents they vote on, so where's the crime?

Obama vowed Wednesday to veto the pending Intelligence Authorization Bill if it contains language expanding the briefings beyond the so-called Gang of Eight — the Democratic and Republican leaders of both houses of Congress and heads and ranking members of the two intelligence committees.

...and O's teleprompter, of course.

The White House said giving all intelligence committee members access to the CIA's covert dealings "would run afoul of tradition by restricting an important established means by which the president protects the most sensitive intelligence activities that are carried out in the national security interests."

"...afoul of tradition". Obama should know.

Do you agree with Nancy Pelosi that the CIA should stop lying to congress and that these briefings should be televised and hosted by Keith Olbermann?

Prom girl Barbies on wheels think out of the box

I have been accused of having a Barbie doll fetish just because I've shared that I keep one in my glove compartment in my car when I'm traveling, and carry her around in my pocket when I'm not. Sure, YOU don't have any minor idiosyncrasies. The relationship is strickly platonic, and if she wasn't such a good listener when we have those probing discussions on politics and pop culture, I might be forced to agree with my therapist you.

That's why this story out of the UK caught my eye:

Two teenage girls took the concept of getting all dolled up for the school prom to an extreme - dressing as life-size Barbie dolls and being wheeled in still sealed in their boxes...

To guard against overheating, the boxes were punched with air holes and the girls each had a small fan and a bottle of water...

'We stayed in the boxes for about half an hour. It was really hot and a little scary at first. But we soon got used to it and we kept smiling for everyone while they took pictures of us.'

Well now they've went and done it. I could have told them that their resale value is much higher if they would have been left in their original packaging. These gals would have been the perfect dates for two dudes driving the U-Hauls to the prom, which seems to be the latest trend. Britain's Got Talent for sure!

Apparently jealous of all the attention these two have received, a not-yet identified crazy British woman has been paparazzied in a motorized Barbie-styled box in downtown London. Authorities caution to approach her at your own risk.

100% mj-free blog post

I don't know about you, but I am sick and tired of the overboard MJ media coverage. I refuse to participate any more. I now dedicate this blog to be 100% mj free. There are more important and news-worthy events going on you know.

Like this...
Thin-looking Kim Jong Il makes rare appearance



Wow. He IS looking thin, ain't he?

and this...

British scientists grow sperm in laboratory



Hmmm. I don't think it's viable.

and maybe most importantly, this...

The G-8 summit in L'Aquila



There. I feel like I've done my part in transitioning the news cycle and helping it get back on track.

Fish On

Nah. Guess I haven't missed much. Sarah Palin is resigning to apparently fish for salmon full time while Obama is getting "schooled" by his new BFFs in Russia. What's Putin using for bait to snag a catfish like that?


"By no means is America perfect..."

*nibble nibble*

"The pursuit of power is no longer a zero-sum game..."

*CHOMP*

"Progress must be shared..."

*hook set*

"Let me be clear: America wants a strong, peaceful and prosperous Russia."

*landed*

Return of the Chattering Teeth

Thank goodness I watched Jack Bauer and '24' last season or I would have been clueless on the air-conditioning ductwork of that big white house and therefore been unable to make my escape. That was actually a week ago. Where have I been since then? Hanging low.

The DaBlade's piled into the Chattering Teeth mobile and we headed north, pulling the weather-beaten 15-year-old popup camper. Mrs. DaBlade had scheduled a visit with Michigan Tech. for our middle boy, so I had the bright idea to turn this into a camping trip.

Pictured below is a roadside thermometer-styled sign that advertises the snowfall amount from the prior year.

M.T.U. is located in Houghton, Michigan, in the Keweenaw, which is the upper peninsula OF the Upper Peninsula (that large land mass north of the mitten, just this side of the arctic circle). I knew it was cold and snowy in the winter, but how bad could it be in late June and early July? I'll tell you.

Though a little breezy upon our arrival, I was carefree as I set up the camper and adjacent tent with what I thought should prove to be an outstanding view of Lake Superior. However, immediately after completion of camp - the rains came - and came. And the temperature began to drop - and drop. And the winds began to blow - and blow. Gitche Gumee was crashing waves against her rocks as if she were angry at our intrusion.

And so the DaBlades huddled into the camper for the better part of three days, only leaving it's canvassed walls of "safety" for the mad bathroom dash through the bitter winds and driving monsoon of freezing rain. No Hobo pies or S'Mores around the campfire, no water-wings and Budweiser for me in the sun and surf. I went through almost two full tanks of propane just trying to keep the temperature high enough inside the colander camper to keep our blood circulating. It became more a matter of survival than of fun and frivolity. Seriously, it was freakin' cold! It was what I imagine it must be like at the Mt. Everest base camp.

So we did the university tour thingy. The next day was spent doing a road tour of the Keweenaw. Houghton... Hancock... Calumet... Copper harbor... Eagles Harbor. We even did an undergroung tour of the Quincey copper mine, where temperatures are a constant 40-something degrees, just so's we could warm up.

Having run out of things to do, we checked out a day early and headed SOUTH to spend the holiday in Mackinaw City. Never before has a dry 70 degrees felt so good. Our oldest boy turned 20 on July 3rd, so we spent his birthday on Mackinac island riding bicycles, eating fudge, and dodging horse manure piles. The climate at Wilderness State park allowed us to have a few campfires, complete with Hobo pies and S'Mores.

I'm back now and I have no idea what has been going on. Cold turkey from the Drudge Report and the blog roll will do that. Now I feel the pull back to the digital world and I feel the need to once again immerse in the comforting whirlpool of 1s and 0s.

Free DaBlade!

These men in suits and dark sunglasses found my lair. They say they work for someone called "The One" who is graciously allowing me this possibly one last blog post. They promise they will stop the aggressive interrogation techniques and let me go if I'm able to get 30 unique user comments to this post. He says he will even count the ones from those who beg him to keep me, so please libs, by all means - help me gain my freedom!

Lest you think this is a cheap stunt to drive traffic to this blog, "The One" is offering the following proof of life and proof of how serious he is...



Help!

My Fourth of July wish to you

I want to wish everyone who happens to stumble upon this blog a very happy and safe Fourth of July holiday. Yes, I know I'm a little early with this message, but I'm planning on locking myself into my kitchen pantry (a/k/a my modified panic room) especially after the passing of that bogus global warming bullsh**. My panic room stays are becoming longer and longer, and I'm afraid I won't be out until after the Fourth. I pray the Cap'n Crunch holds out and that the chain lock on the hollow pressed wood panic room door is sufficient against unwelcome visitors (even if it isn't, rest assured that I do celebrate my Second Amendment rights).

In the meantime, please enjoy...

Toby Keith performing Courtesy Of The Red, White And Blue.



Written shortly after the 9/11 attacks and inspired by same, these lyrics hold a more inspired meaning to me now. With Obama in the White House and his radical agenda systematically dismantling over 200 years of this great American experiment called "freedom", I dream of the day when Americans say "enough is enough"!

When Toby sings about "the red white and blue," I personally interpret that to mean conservatives and conservatism. All of the priciples our Constitution demands, and our founding fathers intended. When Toby sings about the statue of liberty shaking her fist, my interpretation has her representing the "tea party patriots" upset with what the libs have done to this once great land and saying "enough".

There. Now don't you like the video even more now?

Now this nation that I love
Has fallen under attack
A mighty sucker punch came flyin in
From somewhere in the back some guy named Barack
Soon as we could see clearly
Through our big black eye
Man, we lit up your world
Like the 4th of july

Hey uncle sam
Put your name at the top of his list
And the statue of liberty
Started shakin her fist
And the eagle will fly
Man, its gonna be hell
When you hear mother freedom
Start ringin her bell
And it feels like the whole wide world is raining down on you
Brought to you courtesy of the red white and blue

Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett

How ironic that Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett died on the same day.

Both were famous for their "one-piece". One was famous for wearing a glove on one hand and singing "Beat it", while the other was famous for her poster being held up with only one hand by millions of teenage boys (singing "beat it" optional).

One was the King of Pop, and the other was the Queen of the pop tarts.

One was famous for a role in The Burning Bed, the other was famous for rolls in the Neverland bed.

One was a pop culture figure whose hairstyle was emulated by millions of young women, and the other was famous for a hairstyle that was incinerated while doing a pop commercial.

One appeared in Charlie's Angels, while the other one was accused but not convicted of appearing in Charlie's angles.

One was puppy-loved by millions of prepubescent boys, and the other sought them out.

One was born a white female and the other was born a black male. Of course, they both died as white females.

You're sick DaBlade! How can you make jokes at a time like this when fans all across the globe are mourning this loss?

Hey, you mourn in your way and I'll mourn in mine. One sold millions of records and the other sold millions of posters. I was actually somewhere in both of those groups. I sincerely hope they both have found peace.

Interesting anagrams of "Michael Farrah" -
Cream Half Hair
Arch Flame Hair

Even more interesting anagrams of "michael jackson farrah fawcett" -
Mascara Wench A Filth Jacket Fro
Mascara A Cancer Whelk Fifth Jot

Health care under the Obama plan

My boy claims he doesn't know where the idea for this comic came from, but it's clear to me that he was thinking about the state of health care under Obama's plan.


Read the entire comic by clicking on it below...


Astaroth, MD by ~CousinWoofer on deviantART

Move along. Nothing to see here.

Dear Blog,
I've tried to stay quiet on the whole Iranian revolution thingy because I didn't want to give the Ayatollah the impression that this blog was meddling. But I have to give kudos to Major Garrett for asking Obama, "what took you so long" in becoming apalled and outraged at the Iranian crackdown on the protestors. That'll teach Barry to call on A Fox News guy. The only thing that Garrett could have done to better endear himself to me would have been to reach over and put Helen Thomas into a headlock. Oh well, no hot dogs for Major Garrett at Obama and Akmadeenadude's Fourth of July weenie roast.

Panic Room Update
I mentioned a couple of weeks ago that I had converted my bathroom linen closet into a panic room, and that I had made room by moving my towels to the freezer side of my 'fridge. Well, after suffering a small microwave fire while attempting to unthaw the shower towel, I have moved the panic room to my walk-n kitchen pantry. I don't know why I didn't think of it before. I just leave a flashlight in there for my nightly panic attacks so I can find the Cap'n Crunch at 3AM.

Solitude in the pantry (and my toolbox) also gives me time to tinker. I'm making good progress on the reprogramming of my court-ordered electronic tether. Hey, if I have to wear this ankle bracelet, the least it can do is alert me when I try to move outside a 15 mile distance from the nearest pizza establishment. It's not that I eat pizza at every meal, but there is a certain comfort knowing that I'm always close enough that I could.

Odds and ends
I read where a Georgia man won a big lottery prize twice in the same week. I wonder if he'll use the money to buy a bigger house.

Seriously though, where's Mark Sanford?

I also read this headline the other day:
Shot dog bites gunman

I'm sorry, but where is the news in that? Now if "dog shoots man", that's another thing all together.