Monday, January 5, 2009

Cardigans For Humanity

Jimmy "Mister Rogers" Carter's answer to the energy crisis in 1977 was for all Americans to wear a cardigan sweater and to turn down the thermostat. A tad bit more effective, maybe, then to just mandate proper tire inflation as the official energy policy. But still - mandatory cardigan-wear? What if folks had actually listened to the peanut farmer on this? How scary would that be?

Now this...

Charity homes built by Hollywood start to crumble
RESIDENTS of a model housing estate bankrolled by Hollywood celebrities and hand-built by Jimmy Carter, the former US president, are complaining that it is falling apart... One resident said her children were suffering from skin complaints. “The intentions are good, but when the politicians and big-shot stars have left we’re stuck with the consequences. This house looks pretty but inside it either stinks or sweats,” she said.
As blogger babe Michelle Malkin stated on this subject, "The road to hell is paved with good intentions". Listen people. I don't care how destitute or in need of shelter I may become. Jimmy Carter is not welcome to my neighborhood, let alone welcome to build my home. Now if I wanted tips on growing peanuts in my victory garden, I might pick up the phone. Hey, no knock on Jimmy. We all have our unique talents. Apparently, Carter's doesn't include building houses (or leading the free world, as we so painfully found out).

"This house looks pretty but inside it either stinks or sweats".

Stinky and sweaty? No, that wasn't Harry Reid describing those pesky tourists again. That statement also describes the good intentions of liberalism. Doesn't it sound shiny and spiffy on the outside? Make love, not war. Peace on erf. Elimination of poverty by simply taxing "the rich". It falls apart in it's implementation, just like a Carter-built home.

As usual, I believe I have come up with a solution for those unfortunate folks with the skin conditions arising from their dilapidated Carter-built homes. (and funny thing is, I owe it to Jimmy!).

Step one: First things first, let's deal with that nasty rash. Rub some peanut-oil on the affected areas and your skin will be clear and vibrant in no time at all! (either that, or an unlucky few will suffer a violent peanut allergy, in which case they won't necessarily care about that silly rash anymore.)

Step two: Let's deal with the crumbling house. Getting a little drafty in there is it? Well put on a damn sweater! Whaddya want fer nuttin!? Think you're smarter than a president?

Weezer performs Buddy Holly, demonstrating what we would look like if mandatory cardigan attire becomes law. In a weird twist, they wrote about the chaos that would ensue from such an unjust law in their...

Undone -- The Sweater Song:
If you want to destroy my sweater...Woah-ah-woah-ah-woah.
Hold this thread as I walk away... As I walk away.
Watch me unravel, I'll soon be naked.
Lying on the floor, lying on the floor
I've come undone.


  1. Ha. Good post. There is much similarity between BO and Carter and Reid... they all suffer from the mental disorder known as liberalism.

    Carter's cardigan sweater is exactly the same foolish notion as BO's demand for the correct tire pressure. Just feel good notions that won't accomplish much in the real world.

    The funniest thing about this whole thing for me is that after all this time we find out that not only was Carter a lousy president, but he also sucked at carpentry.

  2. Carter and the rest of liberalism's mentality towards mankind can be summed in a simple parody of Carter's pet project. Habitrail For Humanity.

    Under liberalism, we'll all be taken care of just like gerbils. Fed, watered, and given safe clean housing. Of course we'll eat the foods they say are okay for us which won't include pretty much anything you'd presently find edible much less desireable, and only as much as they say we need, which is whatever the roll of their dice across the food tetrahedon map says.

    And we'll have as much water as they say we need which won't include enough to take baths or have flush toilets, just showers with a jet speed so high they'll be like pressure washers. Our toilets will compost and our clothes will be cleaned by water recycled out of our excess urine.

    Our homes will be clean, but about as small as a Tokyo capsule hotel, and our movement will be as limited as your average gerbil is, both to keep you safe and to keep your damn dirty ape hands away from nature, you human destroyer of all that is good and decent.

    Habitrail For Humanity. That's Carter's liberalism.