Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Obama Stimulus Package One Large Black Hole

Scientists Not So Sure 'Doomsday Machine' Won't Destroy World

I read that headline and at first thought the article was about an analysis of Obama's "stimulus package". Then I read the article. Now I'm sure of it.

Actually, it is about the Large Hadron Collider (LHC), a huge particle-smashing machine set to be fired up this summer. Three physicists have pored over the math equations regarding the LHC's potential for creating small black holes, and have determined that "Math is hard".

Wait, I'm sorry. I got these three physicists confused with my Teen Talk Barbie's findings. Though I have to disagree with her on the “I love shopping!” bit. *puts Barbie back in drawer*

Where were we? Oh yeah, the mathmageniuses stated that those microscopic black holes "won't simply evaporate in a millisecond as had previously been predicted". Instead, these mini holes could exist for... *please pause while the physicist completes his equation at the chalk board*... "six times five is thirty one, carry the three... Six, seven, eight, and nine - Just one more, I'm doing fine. The last little finger is number ten. Now I'll count them all again..."

ANSWER: "more than a second."
Under such long-lived conditions, it becomes a race between how fast a black hole can decay — and how fast it can gobble up matter to grow bigger and prevent itself from decaying.
The three Stooges physicists do state that "it does not seem possible" these black holes will grow "to catastrophic size". So, nothing to worry about then? points out "a few other things that didn't seem possible once," meaning that scientists have been horribly wrong before. Thank goodness we have Al Gore, inventor of the internets and global warmings, to be the final arbiter on this. Watch for his sequel book and slideshow presentation for Earth in the Lurch 2 this summer. If Al is worried, we will all be able to breath a sigh of relief.

In Conclusion
Three physicists: "I can count, want to see? Here's my fingers -- one, two, three."
Barbie: “Will we ever have enough clothes?”
DaBlade: Under Obama's "stimulus package", government will have no problem gobbling up tax dollars to grow bigger. That large sucking sound is not the LHC, but the accelerated decaying of the U.S. economy under Obama's trillion dollar giveaways.


  1. Given the choice between being consumed by the black hole of Congress (long and agonizing) or the black hole from the collider (quick and painless), I'd take the quick and painless route.

  2. You can dig all you want, but there is no pony hiding under the Democrat's stimulus manure pile. There is no pony hiding in the stimulus "pile of manure"

  3. First, you need to step away from the Barbie.
    Second, math is hard. Uh der. Let's just let the world eat itself. Yay.
    Third, Obama will simultaneously attempt to eat the entire world, and there will be a showdown between the black holes and the, well, black a-hole. Only, no one will be there to see it. Sad. So sad.

  4. I'm in COMPLETE denail on this 'stimulus' thing....I'm like Schultz on Hogan's Hero.."I SEE NOTHING"
    I have to...

    also, DaBlade..thanks SO much for your REALLY nice words on my blogoversary..backatcha, friend!

  5. RK- Bailout phasers on "stun". Particle accelerators on "annihilate". Let's do this!
    Redneck- What's happenin'? Thanks for visiting my humble cyber corner. I'll check yours out pronto. As for the manure pile, keep yer head up!
    Linz- You've never heard of a grown assed man who plays with dolls? Hey, they're good listeners.
    Z- Thanks. You and the rest of my blog friends lift my spirits, you really do! And new ones every day!

  6. I'm confused, will the whole world be sucked into Obama's "black hole of economic collapse" or just part of it? Like can we just have Chicago and his other allies Venezuella and Iran get sucked in?

  7. Stimulus?

    This entire issue is so wrapped up in sexual inuendo, it's crazy! (Or am I the only perv who sees it that way?!)

  8. My Teen Talk Barbie says no, you are not a perv.

  9. Captain... a black hole....

    Ugghh, is that where....

    "Alien creature comprised primarily of lobes Catain"