IN THE NEWS: Some stolen truck carrying a "delicate cargo" of a radioactive element was found in Mexico. Experts aren't sure of the thief's motives and are in the process of counting some pellet thingys. I'm sure there is nothing to worry about.
and now a word from our sponsor...
Meet the new BEEFY CRUNCH PYROCLASTIC FLOW FUSION TACO, GUARANTEED to literally cauterize the spicy food lover’s taste buds.
We started with our famously hot Volcano Taco with signature red shell and filled with seasoned imitation ground beef, crisp, shredded salmonella-laced lettuce and diarreah-inducing Lava Sauce...
THEN WE RIDDLED THAT BAD BOY WITH RADIOACTIVE COBALT 60 PELLETS!
RUN TO THE BORDER... UHH, then maybe the nearest clinic.
Disclaimer: May cause slight discoloration of lips and tongue and mind numbing pain until offending body parts are removed with box cutter knife found in your glove compartment. Excessive bleeding from all orifices should be expected. Fourth meal regret strikes without warning shortly after consumption.