Saturday, January 28, 2017

Trump's Extreme Vetting Syrian Pita Bread Recipe

 Trump's Extreme Vetting Syrian Pita Bread in 4 Easy Steps

1. THE FOUR-MONTH HOLD: Set your pizza stone on the bottom rack and preheat the oven to a four-month hold. Absolutely no ingredients go into the oven for four months. This is just a temporary oven ban until can figure out what is going on. We only want the best ingredients. Believe me. Set up a safe zone in a bowl, and combine the best water and the best yeast and let stand until foamy, about 10 minutes. It's gonna be great.

2. STRINGENT SCREENING PROCESSES:  Pulse the flour with the salt in a food processor, OK? Add the yeast mixture with some warm milk and process the dough into a ball. Then knead it on some flour. Rough it up a bit. I will defer to General Mattis on how rough to get with the dough ball. But do I feel it works? Absolutely, I feel it works.

Transfer the dough to a holding area in a bowl with some olive oil. cover the bowl with plastic wrap - maybe give it another jab - and let the dough rise in a warm, dark place in solitary confinement for about 1 hour. Then it will want to talk. Believe me. It's gonna be abolutely fantastic.

3. EXTREME VETTING: Dust a work surface with flour and turn on the heat lamps. You don't want your mixture getting too comfortable. Punch down the dough and separate them into 16 individual balls. Then flatten into 6-inch rounds and let rise until puffy... We have to do it. Something like 25 minutes. It's gonna be phenomenal.

4. RESETTLEMENT: slide 4 of the rounds onto the hot pizza stone at a time and bake for about 5 minutes. Pass the time in your personal tanning bed... Cook until the pitas puff up (or your skin is a beautiful orange hue). Serve hot or wrap in foil to keep warm.


  1. What is CNN going to say about this.

  2. CNN will report fake news about this wonderful recipe as usual. But it's called, "we have a recipe." We either have some pita bread or we don't.