Tuesday, March 24, 2015

White House Florist "Escorted From The Building." You Won't Believe What Happened Next

BREAKING: Laura Dowling, the White House's head florist since 2009, was recently let go under mysterious circumstances and "was escorted from the building."

There is mounting speculation that the flower girl somehow got on the bad side of First Lady Michelle Obama, leading to her premature pruning.

What may be even more bizarre is what happened next. This Chattering Teeth reporter has just learned that House Speaker John Boehner has invited Dowling to address a joint session of Congress next week about floral artistry, and he didn't first consult with the administration.

Boehner defended his decision stating, "I relate to Laura's signature relaxed arrangements using a vegetable for a centerpiece. For want of a better name, I call it her 'Speaker of the Bouquet'."

"I wanted to make sure that there was no interference. Nobody, including me, wants to see Michelle go nuclear!"

"There's no secret here in Washington about the animosity that Michelle has for Head Florist Dowling," Boehner told Chattering Teeth News. "Frankly, I didn't want her getting in the way of my bountiful bouquet."

No replacement for White House Flower Czar has yet been named. If interested, be forewarned of the following duties and disclaimer from the job posting: Additional duties to include upkeep of the president's secret garden patch. Applicants with any known allergies to cannabis, opium poppy or processed coca leaves need not apply.


  1. It was a War of the Roses of a different kind. A clash of aesthetics, i.e., Laura Dowling has a sense of one and Moochelle doesn't... just look at what passes for fashion in her eyes.

    I don't think it's fair that the head floral designer should be frog-marched out of the place because her tastes differ from those common on the planet Kashyyyk. I must add that I don't think the white house needs to employ five, count 'em, five floral designers.

  2. Roughed, coughed and duck walked by Mooshell's minions. Must have been given the impossible task of trying to make her palatable. No flower has this capability. Good luck to her successor!