Saturday, March 26, 2016

Chattering Teeth in a hoodie

1. How Many Donuts Are in a Baker's Dozen?
2. How many days are there in the 40 days of Lent?
3. How many donuts can be consumed during the 10 minute ride home from Donna's Donuts on Easter morning before projectile vomiting commences?

Answers: 1. 13 (answer why is below), 2. 46 (no obligation to fast on the six Sundays in Lent, a loophole of which I never took full advantage) and 3. TBD

It was 3AM on Easter morning as the baker pulled into the donut shop parking lot. He was running late and had a lot of work to do in preparation of the 6AM opening. He liked the solitude of these early mornings, so he was slightly startled when his headlights grazed across a lone set of Chattering Teeth in a hoodie huddled by the locked front door...

The above short story was a reenactment of an anticipated encounter tomorrow morning. Based on the opening questions, you may have surmised that I have given up donuts for Lent. You would be correct in your surmising, as well as desserts of any kind, cookies, donuts, candy, potato chips and the rest of the salted snack family, donuts...  did I already mention I gave up donuts?

I have never camped out on a Black Friday for the "privilege" of shopping. To me, that would be like arriving to a dentist appointment early (instead of my 10-minutes-late tradition), or better yet - getting to the funeral home before it opens.

In fact, the only times I would get up early to try and be first in line was back in the old days and before online concert ticket sales, when a friend and I would camp out at a Ticket Master location in Flint's northend on the dawn of the latest Jimmy Buffet concert ticket sale. His shows would get sold out within the first 5 minutes, so first in line was a big deal.

Oh sure, there were other outlets in safer parts of town, but the local residents of this particular establishment were more interested in corner crack sales than going to Margaritaville. We were first in line for several years in a row until the internet also killed that golden goose. And what's a flesh wound when weighing against pavilion seating for Buffet's opening show at DTE?

So why are there 13 donuts in a Baker's Dozen?

According to Wonderopolis, no one knows for sure. My own theory involves common core as the leading cause, as well as causing the fall of Rome. Here's theirs...
The most popular explanation for the term baker's dozen appears to be the strict laws that applied to bakers hundreds of years ago. Long ago, bread was a primary source of food for many people, especially the poor. Unfortunately, it was also very easy for bakers to cheat customers by using less wheat and selling loaves that were lighter than expected.

"...cheating bakers in ancient Egypt could have their ears cut off and nailed to the door of their bakery. "

...To avoid the possibility of such penalties, many bakers began to include a 13th loaf of bread with every dozen sold. This extra loaf made up for any possibility that the other 12 loaves might be light. Over time, that group of 13 loaves of bread became known as a baker's dozen, and that's what we still call it today!

So if you happen to stop by the house on Easter morning and wonder why there are ears nailed to the 'fridge (and why I am wearing a hoodie), don't forget to ask me for the answer to question 3.


  1. Poor man. *giggle* [as I munch on a sugar coated scone ...] I'm glad the only lent I have is in my belly button. ~;)

  2. And here I always thought bakers were baker because they had such poor math skills.

    One thing is for sure: Your counting abilities increase tremendously, while you remove your ears from the door of your bakery.

  3. Donuts have consequences.
    Ears, vomitting, bullet holes.

  4. Donuts have consequences.
    Ears, vomitting, bullet holes.

  5. This blog makes me laugh and I sure do learn a lot. Have you ever had a Hertz donut?

  6. Ill "bite" doc, what's a hertz donut?

  7. Sparky, i just screamed your name the same way capt kirk screamed KHAN's :)

    Anything done within Flint's borders have consequences, Ed. But some rosks must be taken.

  8. Well, a hertz donut is when Wade Sage says, "Have you ever had a Hertz donut" and you reply, "no, I haven't". So he rares back and slugs you in the arm, and says, "hurts, don't it?"

  9. Haha! Wade Sage. Walked into thst beauty. Hope I don't see him in line at Donna's.