More Notre Dame Controversy

'Vagina Monologues' canceled this year!

[Story here] For first time in eight years, Notre Dame students will not perform controversial play

THIS IS OUTRAGEOUS! First, Notre Dame creates a storm of controversy by inviting the infanticider-in-chief, Barack Obama, to give the commencement address this year. Now, Notre Dame muzzles vagina's First Amendment rights of free speech with this tampon of a decision. Sure! Welcome Obama with open arms, but close your legs to the monologues! you're still going to let the dick talk, aintcha?! Sounds discriminatory to me.


OK, full disclosure. I have never actually seen the vagina monologues (unless you count my friend Jon's Bachelor party many years ago). While my personal preference has always been for vaginas to be seen and not heard, I have never begrudged their right to speak out.

OK, I actually glanced at the article I've already linked and commented on. Apparently, the shows producer states, "we were not forbidden by the University to do the Monologues". Blah, blah, blah...

"What happened was that I, and some other people who have been involved in the past, feel like the "Monologues" are an amazing piece that talks about women's sexuality that can be very productive for Notre Dame students," she said. "But unfortunately, what happens when the "Monologues" are put on, is they turn into more of a scandal than an action piece."

Monologues, Monologues, Monologues. Looks to me like you have an aversion to the V word lady.

"The Vagina Monologues" were first performed at Notre Dame in February 2002 as part of a campaign to raise awareness about violence against women, according to a Feb. 27, 2002 Observer report.

Well what could be MORE violent than the OABOMINATION of abortion, yet ND is awarding Obama with an honorary law degree. Which begs the question in my mind...

Do vaginas use teleprompters?

GO SPARTANS!

"...you've got a chance to be a difference-maker, a role model, a chance to make other people smile and feel good about you. We are the blue-collar team and this is the blue-collar city."
MSU Coach Tom Izzo

"You want to play for yourself and your team."
Detroit-area native Kalin Lucas.

"The whole state should be proud and excited of this moment."
Magic Johnson



If the Michigan State Spartans basketball team can somehow beat the North Carolina Tar Heels in tonight's NCAA championship game at Detroit's Ford Field, all will be right with the world. The snow will melt and spring lillies will bloom with the rising sun on a new day. Decades of destructive liberal democrat policies that have decimated this state's economy will also suddenly melt away. Michigan's 12% and rising unemployment rate will evaporate, as good paying jobs rain down from the sky, reviving GM and the auto industry. Folks desperate to sell their homes will immediately be presented with a purchase agreement for full values. The fifty Detroit public schools slated to close will be awash in new tax revenues and fill up again with motivated youths from two-parent homes ready to learn. The brain drain of college graduates fleeing the state will turn around, as the best and the brightest flock to Michigan for all of the newfound opportunies and gold nuggets just lying around.

"It will not save us. No basketball game can do that. No matter who wins tomorrow night, Tuesday morning the jobs still will be gone, the factories still silent and empty, the houses still for sale or abandoned altogether."
Detroit Free Press columnist Mitch Albom

Well thank you very much mister pessimist. Mister doom-and-gloom, my glass is half empty. I bet you're a riot to have around at parties.

"I do realize they have a cause. Well, we also have a cause. We want to win a national championship, period, the end. And if you would tell me that if Michigan State wins, it's gonna satisfy the nation's economy, then I'd say, hell, let's stay poor a little while longer."
Tar Heels coach Roy Williams

THAT is funny. I don't care who you are.

Kim Jong-il be illin

The pot-bellied North Korean dictator, Kim Jong-il, launched his rocket that he said was equipped with a communications satellite and not the Illudium PU-36 Explosive Space Modulator
SHOCKING TRUTHS about the recent North Korean rocket launch:.
LIE: The rocket carried a harmless experimental communications satellite made of rainbows and peppermint candy canes and fueled by Everlasting Gobstoppers that did not hurt the environment.

TRUTH: The launch was cover for a test of NK's long-range missile technology so that it can further threaten and blackmail the West. They now have a ballistic missile that theoretically could be armed with a nuclear warhead. The "boy named Kim" might even sell this technology to Iranian president Mahmoood Ahkmadeenadude, causing President Obama to step up his foreign policy startegy of blaming America with eloquent superfluous rhetoric.

LIE: The satellite is transmitting revolutionary hymnes from radio free DPRK's top 20, including the timeless 'Song of General Kim Il Sung' and the danceable and effervescent 'Song of General Kim Jong Il'. Inclusion of remixed hip hop versions by the popular Korean band, DK Jazzy Kim and the Fresh Dongs has not yet been confirmed.

TRUTH: The ugly revolutionary melodies of 'Kwangmyongsong-2' that Pyongyang plans to beam at us from space.
WARNING: Please be seated and hold your loved ones close when clicking the previous link. CAN YOU HANDLE THE TRUTH!?

Our "comedian-in-chief" Obama is bombing

* If you're like me, then every Friday morning during Lent you pack your favorite lunch consisting of Tuna Fish and rare imported Bangladeshian Irrawaddy dolphin meat on rye.

Whoa whoa whoa! Of course I am only kidding! I don't pack my own lunch, my wife makes me the tuna-dolphin sandwich (that is, if she knows what's good for her!)

and now for the news...


Obama the consensus builder at G20 and his philosophy on foreign policy (best described as "blame America")

"Each country has its own quirks and own particular issues that a leader may decide is really, really important, something that is non-negotiable for them," Obama told a news conference.

"And what we tried to do as much as possible was to accommodate those issues in a way that did not hamper the effectiveness of the overall document," he told the jam-packed room of both foreign and American journalists.

Describing his approach to world affairs, Obama said America was a "critical actor and leader on the world stage," but that it exercises its clout best when it listens to other countries' concerns.

Obama declined to make explicit comparisons between himself and President Bush, but the comments were intended to mark a contrast from what critics of Obama's predecessor said was a tendency towards a "go-it-alone" approach.

So How's that approach working with that little pot-bellied North Korean dictator? I'm sure if you just talk to him and listen to his concerns.

Breaking Chattering Teeth Exclusive:
Obama issues warning as North Korea readies rocket.

Obama to NK pot-bellied dictator, Kim Jong-Il: "I'll trade you a missile for an iPod, what do you say? No? What's that about a bolt of retaliatory lightning if I interfere? Do NOT make me send Michelle over there to touch you"! If you're not interested in the iPod, how about a reset button? The Sound Of Music DVD? The secret Hillary Clinton phone sex number?

Obama Claus strikes again

His lordship the messiah-in-chief, the most high MOTUS with the mostus, Barack Obama, created quite the British controversy when he and Michelle did the two-handed shake of the Queen's hand.

Obama Jokes With the Queen About Jet Lag, noodles, and nodding off. AAAAAwkward!	Jimmy Kimmel Live - Jimmy plays a clip of Obama greeting the queen

The Queen then gives Obama her self-portrait and he presents her with an iPod filled with his music and speeches. I wonder if he really meant to give his iPod to her, or at some point after the reception line it was time for the gift exchange and he realized he had forgotten her boxed set of Austin Powers DVDs.

I can see it now. Like that Arby's commercial where the idiot husband comes home with his Arby's sandwich bag and the wife meets him at the door and says, "Happy Anniversary!", and she gives him a new golf bag and clubs. He looks sheepishly at the Arby's bag and painfully hands it over stating, "I got you this".

This guy is Obama with an iPod. I wonder if the Queen responded like the wife by crying "I love you!" and embracing him ina bear hug.

It does beg the question as to what to gift a Queen. Queens have everything, don't they? Of course she already owned an iPod. I mean, I thought it was tough to shop for my kids at Christmas because they already have EVERYTHING. They do not, however, own a pair of mute guards wearing fuzzy hats that are paid to stand outside their bedroom door... Hmmmmm. Next year's idea.

Everyone knows that the English love their spot of tea. Obama could have re-gifted the motherload in tea bags if he could have held off for another week.

Jackie and Dunlap from redstateupdate.com weigh in:
JACKIE: "What the hell they give the Queen an iPod for? If the Queen want ta hear music, she just call over a Court Jester and have him play the Lute."

My new condo

This sounds like the start of a joke:
So four Russians, a German and a Frenchman walk into this mocked-up spacecraft and swing the metal hatch shut behind them.

The six men have volunteered to spend more than three months in isolation to simulate the experience of a manned flight to Mars. The crew will subsist on freeze-dried space rations and will clean themselves with wet wipes; they’ll also go without smoking, alcohol, TV, and internet.

This sounds like the rest of us soon in this new Obama economy. All this story needs is Paulie Shore and a urine recycler and we have a hit movie.

I'd finish that mock joke I started, but I have a road trip this morning and I gotta go. Take a shot at it...

Let's play "WHO AM I?"

POP QUIZ QUESTION: "WHO AM I?"
This individual has caused tensions to rise over the last week. This maniacal narcissist has been here before and is ready to thumb their nose at critics in the international community once again. Defense Secretary Robert Gates recent silence on this issue makes clear the U.S. is not prepared to do anything about it. Japan does not want this individual's debris scattered across their island nation. This individual was asked to "think twice" by a spokesman for Save the Children.
"WHO AM I?"

[Cue whistling of the Jeopardy theme in your head here]

If you answered North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Il, stop now and reread DaBlade's entire Chattering Teeth archives as punishment for failing to spot this simple misdirection. Just kidding. We don't torture here.

The correct answer is none other than American popstar and Material girl Madonna, who is back in Africa to use her fame and fortune in an effort to extract another Malawi orphan from their country and culture.


Don't misunderstand. I am not anti-adoption by any stretch. I have nothing but admiration for the love and dedication of couples who pool their limited resources in order to adopt and love a child. I do, however, question the righteousness of Madonna swooping in like some plantation Belle looking for another future musician to accompany her little David, the Malawi orphan she adopted in 2006 and shown here on lead guitar. The High Court in Lilongwe has adjourned the case reviewing Madonna's adoption application until Friday.

I do have a suggestion for Madonna that would speed up the lengthy process of filling out her stable of musicians, while throwing in an entire future dance troope! She needs to partner up with Octo-Mom, Nadya Suleman, to surrogate a batch of Malawian embryos. You've heard of the Jackson Five. Now comes the Octo-Malawians!

By the way, cube posted recently about a Three Stooges remake. Is it me, or wwould Kim Jong-Il be perfect as Larry Fine? Of course, it would depend on getting Putin to play Curly and Hugo Chavez as the ornery Moe. *sigh* We can dream, can't we?

Our President Worm

A tenacious worm is wriggling its way across the globe and making itself a wordwide problem. It is modifying itself to make it become harder to stop. The worm takes advantage of those who haven't kept up to date, and suckers them into clicking on him. No I am not talking about the computer virus known as Conficker. I was referring to Obama's overseas trip this week.


America's messiah-in-chief, Barack Hussein Obama, will arrive in Britain Tuesday for the G20 summit. He will be accompanied by his posse of 500 staff (and a team of Special Olympian bowlers), in an armour-plated limousine (with a trunk full of slightly used reset buttons and "The Incredible Mr. Limpet" DVD to add to Gordon Brown's collection).

In the far back seat of the limo known as "The Beast" (the nickname "Thunder Thighs" was already taken by the Secretary of State) will be "First Caddy", Mike 'Fluff' Cowan, originally brought on board by the administration to carry Obama's Blackberry (and since given the added responsibility of lugging around a fully-charged portable teleprompter).

Wherever MOTUS is, you can rest assured that Fluff is nearby. Of course, the limo will now be driven by Rick Wagoner, former GM CEO, now First Chaffeur.

The $300,000 presidential limousine is also equipped with a tear-gas cannon and oxygen tanks (probably with the drop down masks we've seen on airplanes) for those emergency situations when Fluff flatulates, after having child-locked the windows. "Never again" promised Obama to Michelle, and now Fluff only has to feign a giggle and Obama scrambles to initiate the drop-down masks.

Speaking of Fluff's carbon footprint, this presidential limousine doesn't sound very green to me. Unless, of course, Al Gore is strapped under the hood and providing the power by peddaling away. It would be the first time in his life he was actually usefull.

Oh, and the White House kitchen is making the trip on tax payer's dime. An Aegis destroyer, originally deployed to deal with North Korea's missile launch, will first make an unscheduled detour to England to drop off the presidential supply of wagyu beef.

Why can't Obama sacrifice by eating the local food? What ever happened to "when in Rome..."? Then again, comedian Jim Gaffigan makes a good point when stating that British food has to be bad when considering they use vinegar to improve it's taste while we use it to clean windows.

Speaking of "Rome", US security teams have already carried out three visits to prepare for Obama's first official visit to Britain (no doubt in search of a suitable venue for Obama's increasingly popular "Wednesday Toga parties").

So in conclusion...* A computer virus threatens to turn our PCs into "zombie" machines and "botnet" armies and Obama followers.
* Microsoft has modified its free Malicious Software Removal Tool to detect and get rid of Conficker.
* As for the malicious presidential removal tool, we have to wait for the Jindal/Palin 2012 upgrade.

logic loop of contradiction

Self-imposed blog blackout lifted temporarily for an obligation on my part to complete the blog "Circle of Life". I had to smile (which hasn't been easy this week) when I visited Chuck's blog this morning. He plugs a recently discovered blog (www.ihatethemedia.com) and credits fellow blogger Z for pointing him to it. Chuck posted this picture of himself wearing the T-Shirt he won.
Hint: Look closely at his computer monitor



Thanks for the subliminal product placement advertising Chuck, and thanks for making me laugh!

Disclaimer: For the record, I love both "the media" AND the blog "I Hate The Media". Will this cause a logic loop of contradiction in my brain?

So in conclusion:
I. Visit these blogs frequently, repetitiously, repeatedly, routinely and often.
Chuck Thinks Right
geeeeeZ
I hate The Media
II. Support your local media
III. Laugh.

I will be away from the blog this week on special assignment trying to capture Obama's escaped Teleprompter. It was last seen hanging out the passenger side window of a white Ford Bronco believed to be driven by it's good friend, the president's Blackberry phone.

Lions, Chimps, & Michael Jackson

Last week the Detroit Lions traded defensive tackle Cory Redding (and a fifth round draft pick) to the Seattle Seahawks for linebacker Julian Peterson.
Rhetardical Question: Why would the Lions trade one of the few talented players they had last year, who also happened to be a leader in the lockerroom with a good attitude? I know Julian Peterson is a great pickup, but he would have become available anyway! Detroit football fans may never get to re-live those glory years of 8-victory seasons enjoyed during the Fontes era with moves like this. *sigh*

MORE LIONS EXCLUSIVES!
Three more lions are getting a "new lease on life". No, I'm not talking about three more football players from last year's historic 0-16 season being given a ticket out of town to join Redding. I'm talking about the three lions currently living in a rat-infested junkyard in Kansas being relocated to the Detroit Zoo.

"Big cats' owner agreed to move after a man was mauled at sanctuary strewn with cars, junk."

The local sheriff said...

...the refuge was more junkyard than sanctuary, strewn with old cars, tires, cow skulls and rats. A man was mauled by a lion at the refuge in February after sticking his hand into their enclosure.

Toto, We ain't in friggin Kansas anymore. Who woulda thunk keepin lions as pets was dangerous? What could possibly go wrong? It's not like the junkman kept chimps and gave them cookies and wine in long-stemmed glasses, taking baths together and cuddling in the bed (in other words, treating them like Michael Jackson treated his overnight guests in Neverland).

In case you were lazy and didn't click, the above link is to about "Travis the Chimp", now famous for attacking and ripping off the face of it's owner. Speaking of which, maybe that's where Michael Jackson's nose went... Hmmmm.

Haircut - Part Deux

Like a firefighter working tirelessly against a wildcat drought-induced brush fire (in high winds and against seemingly impossible odds), so have I been spending the better chunk of my dwindling free time fighting unwanted and misplaced facial hair in a never ending effort to keep the eyebrow and ear hair at bay. It's a battle I can never hope to ever "win", and will just have to settle for an impasse (as we stare at each other over the littered demarcation zone). I do believe my "enemy" has instituted a recent troop surge strategy, so I may seem a little distracted today. I would blame this unwanted facial hair all on the aging process except for the fact that my eyebrows have always seemed to have an attitude that I insisted on sporting a bald forehead.

I get my haircut at a local shop, and sometimes I get a new person that hasn't heard any of my self-deprecating jokes concerning my eyebrows. There is always that awkward and uncomfortable look they give me when they ask if I would like the eyebrows trimmed. I never waste this opportunity to entertain myself (friends of mine already know that cracking myself up is my entire life's philosophy). "Sure," I'll say. "Let me know if you find my spare car keys". Sometimes I will look incredulously at the scissors in their hand and answer, "With that? I think you're going to need a bigger gun." I might even suggest the hedge trimmers that Charlie used last month. For some reason, I find it funny when I'm not drawing even a sympathy smile and I'll pile it higher. Usually I will decline the barbers help on battling the brow, as I would not ask them to put themselves at risk if I am not willing to myself. Usually I just say, "no thank you. It's where I keep my loose change." Or I might tell them I like to comb the brow back to cover the thin spots on my crown.


Did you ever wonder...?

AIG

GALLUP: Three in four Americans (76%) want the government to take actions to block or recover the bonuses insurance giant AIG paid its executives after receiving federal bailout funds.

CNN: Barney Frank wants to exercise his "ownership rights" (over AIG, not Sergio, his new page boy).

I believe the Obama voters have it all wrong. Instead of insisting these bonuses be given back, they should insist that each one of them be given a similar $165 million bonus. In fact, why shouldn't the democrats exert their ownership rights and just make the minimum wage $165 million per hour?

Shave and a haircut - Two bits

Spaceweather.com reports today that the Earth will have another close shave with a newly discovered space rock.
************************

ASTEROID FLYBY: Newly-discovered asteroid 2009 FH is flying past Earth today, March 18th, only 85,000 km (0.00057 AU) away. That's a little more than twice the altitude of a geosynchronous communications satellite. There is no danger of a collision with the 20-meter-wide space rock--just a close shave. Experienced amateur astronomers can track 2009 FH using this ephemeris. It is shining about as brightly as a 14th magnitude star.

Into the hallway children! Single file, if you please!

I always felt safe with a schoolbook and it's half-inch binding protecting my head. Especially when I was 6 years old and the tornado sirens were blaring away and our teacher (who had been through the Beecher tornado) went completely insane. My mom always came up to the school and checked us out when there were tornado warnings. It wasn't supposed to be allowed, but school administrators knew that my mom packed more punch than an "F5" when crossed.

As for the space rock, I will stand in the backyard with my cellphone camera at the ready, and will immediately post the picture when I can nail it. Hopefully, this will not be another Tunguska event. I just planted those shrubs last year!

Universetoday.com brings up a good question regarding 2009 FH:

Interestingly, this new object comes only two weeks after a larger (50 metre wide) asteroid was spotted passing the Earth at a similar distance. So it begs the question, why are we seeing so many asteroids lately?

I wonder if the astronauts on the ISS are assuming the position again. Duck and cover! I do this every time Obama steps up to his teleprompter.

Are these cascades of space rocks a sign of the Obama apocalypse? Are these actually the scout ships of a pending alien invasion? Is it a case of mistaken identity, and these reported space rocks are really just astronaut Heidi's tool and makeup bag racing around in geosynchronous?

Obama has sucked the green right out of St. Patrick's Day

From DaBlade's email bag (thanks to MSgtEd)...


Poll question: How many green beers would one need to consume at Obama's St. Patty's Day toga party at the White House before the beer goggles kicked in, causing Nany Pelosi to look "hot"?

OK, no more "rhetardical" questions. By the way, where IS George?

At least we can all agree that White House press secretary Robert Gibbs is a sarcastic A--hole.

Question: "One quick followup: Former Vice President Cheney was on State of the Union yesterday. He had a lot -- a lot of criticism of this White House.

"To boil it down, on national security, he said the president's policies were making the country less safe. And on the economy, he was charging that the president is taking advantage of the financial crisis to vastly expand the government in all kinds of ways -- health, education, energy.

"How do you respond to those kind of allegations from the former vice president?"

Gibbs: "Well, I guess Rush Limbaugh was busy ... so they trotted out the next most popular member of the Republican cabal.

YouTube vids of Cheney telling it like it is, and the above silly question/"answer".

I do have to hand it to Gibbs that at least he is working without a teleprompter. His lies and obfuscations are delivered without so much as an "aaaaand" or a "thaaaaat", speech cadence so common in an Obama address because he is stalling while desperately trying to read the next sentence. It is interesting how Obama and his spokesman pounce on critics like a gang of Chicago thugs. Of course the leftwing blogoshere loves this stuff, with their headlines reading "Republican Cabal", "Gibbs Slams Cheney", "Gibbs Delivers Verbal Slap at Cheney", "Rush Was Busy", etc. and so on ad nauseum.

To be completely honest, I always found myself wishing that the Bush White House would defend themselves with these types of caustic comebacks. Put me at that podium and the gloves would come off if I had to take questions from the likes of the Helen Thomases and the rest of the handmaidens on the left. In retrospect, his dignity and professionalism is appreciated even more now that it is gone. Sure, Tony Snow could deliver a bitingly sarcastic line in front of a hostile press corps, but he did it with humor, honor and dignity. You either have it or you don't, as it doesn't translate well on the teleprompter.

Michigan Madness

The "N.I.T." will have to be spelled without Michigan this year, as the Wolverines break the 11-year NCAA tournament drought with the No. 10 seed in the South Region. Will they make a "Beilein" to the final four at Ford Field in Detroit this year? Now THAT would be sweet! At least the Ed Martin taint has finally been purged.

Good luck to everybody in their various office pools (DISCLAIMER: Except those competing against me, in which case - Good luck to me!). Here are some Youtube vids to set the mood.

No Sleep Til April

A takeoff on The Beastie Boys - No Sleep Till Brooklyn

BRACKETMAN, A MARCH TRAGEDY

Not a takeoff on Elton John - Rocketman
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1GAKOLOnfV4

Basketball Jones
"I need help, ladies and gentlemens."


That basketball was like a basketball to me.