Monday, January 13, 2014

Is Bigfoot living in Michigan and eating our pizza?

Michigan Man claims Bigfoot living on property eating pizza

There are two things in this world that I know for sure. There is a Bigfoot, and I am not he... AND I like pizza, so I guess that's three.

According to reports, this wooded property actually has broken branches from TREES in secluded areas on the property and piles of animal carcasses and skat in spots. What more evidence is required by the skeptics?

I know I'm a few days late on this story, but I've purposefully tried to keep a low profile. I didn't want the authorities knocking on MY door based on the evidence presented. Namely...

A) This Bigfoot sighting in Midland County is a mere hour's drive from my home, and logistically it is more than possible that it was I who defecated in this man's woods. (upgraded to "PROBABLE" for those who know me personally)

2) Bigfoot apparently eats pizza in the wild, based upon the empty pizza boxes found in the woods there. Well it just so happens that I LIKE PIZZA!

c) This man originally told authorities he first thought the creature was a hunter in a ghillie suit on his property. Well, I'm not proud of it, but there might be a picture or two from my college days of me in girlie suit! I don't think one looong weekend wearing a girlie suit should label someone, and... Oh, I see I misread and it says "ghillie suit", whatever that is. so nevermind #3.

In conclusion, there are a ton of pizza joints within a 15 minute diameter of the spacious and cozy Chattering Teeth Studios, but I would drive an hour for some really good Bigfoot pizza.

BLOG EXTRA!! It has been almost a year since my last Bigfoot post where I posited the question, "Does Bigfoot use our nation's roadside Rest Areas?"

...what dude hasn't excited a roadside rest area bathroom, only to warn approaching traveler's, "HOLD YOUR BREATH, I'm pretty sure Bigfoot was in there!" And "I would avoid the final stall if I were you. 'Squatch left tracks."

A series of "guttural grunts, howls and growls" and "sound blasts" led  Sasquatch investigators to this Northern Michigan rest area, where this controversial picture is purported to be of the legendary Bigfoot.


  1. Although you might be correct, I'm more inclined to believe a conspiracy by pizza delivery drivers to hide the kickbacks they receive from Sasquatch to keep quiet.

    I might be wrong, but it makes sense.

  2. Who, even Bigfoot, wouldn't like pizza? It makes perfect sense.

  3. Some dude claimed he just offed Bigfoot in Texas. Maybe he used a pizza bait pile.

  4. Jess- Following with your line of reasoning further... and after watching that dude with the squatch on his property in the video who claims Bigfoot is a shape-shifter who hypnotizes people into thinking they really saw a deer... is it at least POSSIBLE that all pizza delivery drivers are actually Sasquatches? I think it's worth pondering.

    cube- Yes it does. Even shape-shifters of possible alien descent love a good, hot pizza pie. BTW, the "artist's rendition of a pizza slice" is actually an original MS Paint jpeg (not the usual pirated image I photoshop for amusement... yes, I am this talented)... I'm not bragging (OK, maybe a little) but that pizza slice image exists nowhere else. Unless it has been downloaded ad finitum and has now gone viral.

    Ed- I think that Texas Bigfoot that was shot was actually a pizza delivery driver in a girlie suit. I LIKE the pizza bait pile theory. I'm gonna run that up the flagpole and see if the horse drinks.

  5. Now that you've explained the genesis of that pizza slice pic, I must say that it's extraordinary. Kudos.

  6. Thanks. You're just saying that. It needs more pepperoni :)