Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Meet The Robot That’s A Minimum Wage Killer

No, not R.O.B.A.M.A., though one could make that argument.

I'm talking about the Hamburger Robots, "The Next Generation of Fast Food" by Momentum Machines.

It does everything employees can do except better:

* it slices toppings like tomatoes and pickles immediately before it places the slice onto your burger, giving you the freshest burger possible.
* our next revision will offer custom meat grinds for every single customer. (Oh great! A Twerk Burger?)
* Also, our next revision will use gourmet cooking techniques never before used in a fast food restaurant, giving the patty the perfect char but keeping in all the juices.
it’s more consistent, more sanitary, and can produce ~360 hamburgers per hour.

I say, what could possibly go wrong?

"I'm sorry, I ordered pickles. These look like washers?"

It actually looks pretty good (if you don't mind your special sauce being axle grease).

Our alpha machine frees up all of the hamburger line cooks in a restaurant

**So they can pursue more productive tasks... Like taking a bath in the sink.

The automatic device will still require some humans to put the ingredients in, but once it’s loaded it can crank out up to 400 burgers per hour. The machine stamps the patties, puts on the toppings (cut fresh to order) and then bags the burger. The company believes the device will pay for itself in just under a year.

Awesome! There ARE jobs that even robots won't do. Apply now for the marketing manager position.
Job Description:
Standing outside the store on the curb during rush hour wearing a sandwich board sign advertisement in sub zero temps while doing a robot dance.


  1. This post just makes me throw up a little bit in the back of my mouth.

  2. As far as fast food, I have no problem with automation. It's all the same and. if I partake, I don't care if a human is involved to screw up my order.

    Of course, any robotics operation can be hacked, since software is involved.

    "I ordered a double meat burger you piece of crap robot. I want my money back."

    "I'm sorry sir.

    Undoubtedly, you think I care. So, you can take your gimlet butt out of the line and wait, until you die of old age.

    Thank you for your business."

  3. cube- FINALLY! THAT has been my motivation for all these years to get that reaction. I can retire my blog now, for there is nothing more to achieve... or maybe I'll keep trying for that :)

    Jess- I agree, though "they" say the reason that machines - computers - robots can't make serious art or music is because it isn't math, and our human imperfections actually enhance the piece to our eyes and ears (that's why you like this blog. it's ripe with flaws no robot could duplicate).

    “When all the details fit in perfectly, something is probably wrong with the story.”

  4. I'm so glad that my involuntary reaction brought you to this point in your blog life.

    Personally, I think that you have more to strive for.

    Get on it.