* Ex-Fox Factor Figure, Bill O'Reilly, hangs himself in lonely jail cell while former NFL player (and killer), Aaron Hernandez takes over as host.
* FaceSpace killer is a christian NRA member who targeted trannys and homos.
* In President Hellary's (sic) first 100 days, she has sent an armada of barges piled high with plastic toy reset buttons to the waters off North Korean (after that chubby Kimmy gal with the butch haircut nukes Seoul).
* Speaking of "Seoul" - Maxine Waters ("The Godmother of Soul") hears first case of oral arguments as the new Supreme Ct Justice, after knifing Merrick Garland in parking lot. She immediately belts out “Living In America” of Rocky IV fame, and calls for impeachment of Justice Clarence Thomas for putting a James Brown wig on her Coke.
In other news...
[Finding Charles Rogers]