Wednesday, December 23, 2009

With Obama in Hawaii, I'm Thinking "Pig Roast" For Christmas

The Obama family is planning to spend Christmas in Hawaii. When I think of Hawaii, I think of the traditional Hawaiian luau, and when I think of Obama a luau, I think "roasted pig".

Therefore, as a public service (what with the First Family on the islands and all), I thought it might be fun to freshen up the basic steps to hosting a...

Pig Roast in Hawaii:

First, it is important to choose the Pig. A successful pig roast will use the correct size of Pig. It is important to get the right size, as a Pig that is too large will be difficult to prepare.

Nor do you want your Christmas pig too skinny, as you would be left with absolutely zero substance.

The preparation of the Pig is also important. Some people choose to use high priced hardware, while other people have managed to make good use out of the items they can readily procure without breaking the bank.

Of course, for the Obama roast, he will spare no stimulus expense. In fact, I can smell his pig from here!

Also, during the preparation period, it is important to prepare the Pig in a way that makes it look traditional. Many people like to stick an apple in the Pig’s mouth.

Selecting the right side dishes is also important. There are certain things that go great in a pig roast and people who have never taken part in such an event may not know which items to select. Side items help make the meal even better and allow guests to enjoy themselves more.

Some folks call these side items "bribes", but democrats insist, "that's how pig roasts are done... with a little sweeteners".

The right sauces and spices are also necessary in order to make the event the best it can be. There are many wonderful flavorings that can make the Pig taste much better. With the right selection, the party is sure to be a success.

How about some "Louisiana Purchase Sauce" to spice up that pig, eh Miss Landrieu? Or maybe you'd prefer a "Medicaid Spice Rub" on your swine, whaddya say senator Nelson?

Just as taste is important so are drinks. It is best to have a unique selection of both alcoholic and non alcoholic beverages. It is fun if the drinks are not common beverages that can be found anywhere.

President Obama may prefer a cold beer with his racist buds and "stupid" cops, but don't forget the Teetotalers. They are not to be confused with the Tea Partyers, but you don't need to worry about them. They will bring their own.

On the subject of alcohol, guess who has remained sober for the last 4 months?

The importance of atmosphere cannot be ignored, either. Atmosphere is incredibly important at an event such as this, as it helps to set the tone for the party. The perfect atmosphere can consist of games and music. It is important for party throwers to find activities that compliment the event.

Oh, and the best news is that joining the Pig Roast is no longer a privilege but a right! No need to make reservations, just crash the party like a Salahi! Be forewarned however, the line will be enormously long, so jump in now to get your slice!


  1. DaBlade, One of your best ever!

    BTW, you could spruce up the blog by adding some Christmas lights.

    Merry Christmas to you & the family.

  2. Very nicely done.

    I think the American taxpayers will be the ones getting roasted this year and in perpetuity.

  3. BTW the Kennedy quip made me lol.

  4. Christmas will never be the same. Obama ruins everything.

  5. SWEETEST HOLIDAYS to u my friend..big NY hugss!!! xoxoxox

  6. Bill-CT- I've been busy making merry or would have commented by now, but thanks a bunch. I liked the "lights" comment, and promise to some day return to my Snappers golf site and spruce it up a bit.
    cube- we need a little more hot sauce on this pulled pork president.
    RK- Hope you're recharging the batteries 'cuz we're going to need your energy.
    WHT- Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukkah my friend!