Wednesday, March 4, 2009

An Obama Free "Stream of Consciousness" Wednesday

My morning ritual involves caffeine and internet news surfing. Sometimes I just read the headlines and fill in the blanks myself and move on. I mean, who has time to click on all these links? You have to pick and choose and be selective on how to invest the limited resource of your time. I guess the fact that you are reading this means that maybe you aren't as discerning.

Like I was saying, you can usually tell what an article is about by the hyperlinked headline. Take for example, this headline: Scientists make HIV strain that can infect monkeys. I don't have to read that article because I can guess what it's about. Namely, that if your friend's pet monkey tries to rip your face off, scientists have invented a way for you to defend yourself by infecting the maniacal monkey with HIV. Wouldn't it be quicker to just shoot it?

OK, that didn't sound right and my curiousity was now sufficiently peaked that I in fact clicked that headline and did a careful 5 second scan of the first paragraph before moving on to something more interesting. Apparently, my first interpretation was off a tad. This article has something to do with eventually finding a vaccination solution to human HIV infections, and scientists want to infect monkeys so they are properly motivated to help us with the lab work in this worthy quest.

Sidebar: Who remembers Lancelot Link, Secret Chimp? I LOVED that show.

My point is, my powers of headline interpretation were immediately tested with this diddy (courtesy of Cartman): Scientist Solves Mystery of Belly-Button Lint

First off, I had no idea there was a mystery here. Belly button lint is comprised of the elusive Higgs boson God particles, right? I quickly gave up and read the story. Now I will never get those 3 minutes of my life back. I'm still better off than old Georgie the Austrian chemist with the three year belly button fetish. I can't believe that I am actually about to block quote this story...
Steinhauser collected a whopping 503 pieces of navel lint during his research, presumably in his spare time and on his own dime.
Wow. He must really have needed to make a toupee' pretty badly. Now if he could only convince the science chimps working on the HIV vaccine to abandon this for the more important pursuit of helping him solve the mystery of belly lint, then there just might be hope for mankind and chimpkind alike.

I wonder if Steinhauser kept a booger wall as a child?


  1. Lancelot Link, Secret Chimp is a family favorite here for obvious reasons. After all, Lance is one of the original dart-throwing monkeys. Lance, Mata Hairy... what great memories from our youth.

  2. Lance: Hey Mata, why doesn't a banana squeak?
    Mata: I dunno Lance, why doesn't a banana squeak??
    Lance: Because it's got banana oil in it !!! HAR HAR HAR !!!
    {{Bananas rain down from the ceiling}}


  3. Volcanoes, belly button lint, booger walls: there are a lot of worthy subjects for Obama's research money.

  4. I'm getting sick of Obambi's speeches every day

  5. I'm getting sick of Obambi's speeches every day

  6. If shooting monkeys with HIV would solve AIDS FOR MANKIND, our Left wouldn't allow it! SO mean to monkeys, dontcha know?

    I almost spit my coffee out reading your opening lines.... coffee and internet surfing....there I was, mug in hand, eyes on screen...but, then, aren't we ALL? (except I'm drinking real coffee this AM, which will undoubtedly have me internet surfing late into tonight..darn!)

    "booger wall"? OH< MY GOD...I think that's a boy thing.
    What an image in my I have to go wash my brain out with soap. see you later, DaBlade...your DaONe!!


  7. I still remember the theme song, even though I have probably not heard it since 1972.

  8. MD- That show would work today, wouldn't it?
    Cartman- The "raining from the ceiling" gag always worked for our generation. Was thee anything funnier than Captain Kangaroo getting buried in an avalanche of ping pong balls?
    RK- We MUST have these answers, damn the cost man!
    Bob- I believed you the first time! Second time for emphasis? Me too. Me too!:)
    Z- Ah the left. Answers my first question though. They'd call dressing up these monkeys as cruel and unusual punishment and take it off the air. As for the word verification, they should let US have editorial control over that. Could be fun.

  9. This monkey business (sorry, it was too easy) is going to be quite a quandry for the libs. Are they for research that will help the gays or against animal research? Too bad they aren't using fetal tissue. It would be a win-win for them, abortions to help the gays.

  10. That chimp could fill in for Joe Biden whenever he's out of town.

  11. Chuck-Nice! They might as well use fetal tissue. It would prove at least as successful as embryonic stem cell mengele experiments.
    PCC- Champ the chimp? Give him the big chair. We'd be in better hands.